HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM
1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work Boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with several empty beer cans, a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine, and several NRA magazines.
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads: Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim: I went to the Gun shop for more ammunition, back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls -- they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it, but it was hard to tell from all the blood.
PS - I locked all four of 'em in the house.
Better wait outside.
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When I was single and living in a slum (like, 10 years ago? before I married the ex, but we were dating), my apartment was broken into a few times in one week (nothing was stolen -- I was too broke to have anything nice, including money! hehehe). I went shooting with my neighbor, a cop, and I completely obliterated the center of the target. So I put it up in the front window and got a couple dogs. Never got broken into again ...
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