y'all, i know i've been mia, and i apologize. life is overwhelming most of the time, lol!
but i had SO MUCH FUN looking at the long slideshow of the red carpet at the met gala, i had to share. i had commentary on many, and i'll highlight the ones i loved so you don't miss them. so click on the slideshow, alt-tab back and forth to my commentary, and enjoy!
[in case you can't tell, the fug girls are my idols!]
1. Jessica Szohr - wonderful, if your goal is to look flatter than Kate Hudson’s “before” shots.
2. Zoe can do no wrong.
3. I’ve never said this before, but Anna actually looks really good here. Age-appropriate, stylish, flattering. The most MOST of us could ask for!
6. Diane Kruger - The most perfect meh ever, the way this fits so beautifully and falls so perfectly, but still meh.
7. More meh.
8. Finally, someone having a good time! Fashion risk, event-appropriate, and happy! Mama happy.
9. He made that for her, and that’s the best he could do?
10. Emma oopsed.
11. Oprah - flawless. Diva extraordinaire!
12. Lily Collins. Don’t know who this is, but I think I love her. This is exquisite. I might have taken the shoes up a notch, but LOVE the color, design, hair, everything!
13. Joy - who? This just doesn’t work, but at least she looks joyful. I want to think it’s almost, fix the hair and lose the spray-tan, but I don’t think it makes it to almost.
14. Claire Danes in Burberry. She looks good, which is, yes, damning her with faint praise. It grows on me but it doesn’t carry me away.
18. meh. (being Nicole Ritchie, she gets her own entry, but still meh)
19. Gwen Stefani in L.A.M.B. A mistake. She gets a lot more latitude than most, but still no.
20. Kirsten Dunst - GORGEOUS bodice, hair, smile; falls a tad short, but by then I’m just so happy with how she’s looking I don’t care that it needed to be a few inches longer and with better shoes.
21. agita. Don’t make me look long enough to say more.
22. Donatella. It’s a pity she’s so UGLY, as this is a beautiful dress, and she looks amazing in it! Put a bag over her head, please!
23. Tina Fey. That facial expression says it all.
24. J.Lo. Dressing like the queen she is. Hate the hair because that’s all there is to hate on, and she could elevate this from A to Ow-Mami!
25. Chloe. I do NOT love the Sev. Sorry.
26. Padma Lakshmi. A well-intended hot mess.
27. Jessica Alba - Did not screw it up. All I could think as I scrolled down was “please don’t let her ruin this!” She came through.
28. Iman. Another classic, looking classic.
29. Jessica and Justin. meh.
30. Taylor Swift. Sorry - Meh.
31. Vera and Mila. LOVE. Mila must be so fun to dress and/or hang out with. I’d love to see more of both of them, which I couldn’t say of most of the slideshow.
32. Carey Mulligan always looks like a miserable little girl. Going 30 for 30 with that look, as far as I can tell. PLEASE - cheer up, stand up straight, wear something flattering, pretty, and try to enjoy your life!
33. Coca Rocha - MINE. This looks like a gown one needs to see in motion, and it makes me cry for more!
34. Kerry Washington - the dress wears her.
35. SJP - looks better when she isn’t holding her dress up like a 3-year-old. At least she picked something that flatters for a change.
36. Kristin Davis - also being worn by the gown.
37. Malin Ackerman - a near-miss. I almost love this, but it’s the napkin in the lap that just takes it from fun to I-wish-I-liked-this-better.
38. Elizabeth Banks. Next slide please!
39. Eva Mendes - in a unique twist for her, isn’t wearing something flattering, and is being worn by it.
40. Rachel Weisz. I love her. I don’t love this. Ick.
41. “Thankoon for Gap” - major FAIL.
42. Juicy Couture? Looks like a ‘70s bathrobe. Fail.
43. Eva LP. Should be fab, but doesn’t come close. Petite women should NOT wear dresses of this length. It swallows her up.
44. Naomi and Liev - Fail. The dress is the wrong color, wrong design, and wrinkled to boot. It just wears her - AND ages her. Double Fail. (and I’m sorry, but I’ll never get into tux details)
45. Carolina Herrera, wearing a mullet dress. She looks amazing, and she is another icon, so even though I want to pick it apart, I can’t. Way to stay classy!
46. Renee. The hair is such a crime against nature, I can’t help but wonder if she’s hiding recent plastic surgery. Her dress is perfection, but I can’t love anything on her with the hair. Ick.
47. KStew. Nuff sed.
48. Maggie. Burning my eyes - too little bodice (with too-little boobies), too big skirt, too too too Maggie! Love her, but hate her style.
49. Emmy Rossum. Nice dress, bad necklace, terrible hair. Which puts her ahead of SOOO many competitors tonight.
50. Thandie Newton - being consumed by a bad dress. If the design were better, it would wear her, but since it’s a mess, it can’t even claim that.
51. Rosario - reminds me of that terrible black-and-white-bow dress Anne Hathaway wore several years ago - makes the girls looks squished and saggy, which leaves it beyond redemption.
52. Gisele - Nobody else could make me love this. SLAMMIN’.
53. Stella, Liv, and Kate - two Fails and a Meh. Kate is stuck in one groove, and now that she has a bosum she thinks she needs to show it, which makes it close to a fail.
54. Kristen Bell in overwhelming newsprint.
55. Brooke Shields is a GODDESS!
56. Katy Perry is a lunatic, but I gotta love her.
57. Mary Blige - oh, HELL no. Coulda been fab, but wasn’t even a near-miss.
58. M.I.A. F.A.I.L.
59. meh men.
60. Emma Roberts - Cute meh.
61. Blake Lively - God love her, I enjoy her self-overexposure.
62. Anne Hathaway - looked better in the background! Should’ve done something more princess-y with the hair, and REALLY needs to balance the big V on her chest. Very near-miss.
63. January, it’s May, and you are OUT.
64. Alessandra Ambrosio - isn’t boring. I might even love this - for the met, for her, for the moment.
65. Abbie Cornish - being worn by Louis Vuitton
66. Marion Cotillard - OMG, back in form, classic, gorgeous, WIN, A-PLUS! please stay with us and don’t stray into fug territory ever again! We much prefer to love you.
67. Whoopi and someone else looking very underdressed, but nicely pressed.
68. is this the waiter?
69. Kate Bosworth, you look lovely.
70. Rachel Zoe - remember when I said Zoe could do no wrong? I was NOT talking about you. Eat a DAMN SANDWICH, and NEVER wear a dress that has a bow on the waist that’s bigger than you. FAIL.
71. Melissa George - THIS is how you do yellow. And I’d like to see her again, because she could have disappeared into that dress, but she doesn’t.
72. Christina - please note, this is how you do NOT do boobs (or hips, but they’re the lesser sin today). Girl, you’ve been BLESSED, but you do not look it in this - you look BLOATED.
73. the Trumps - looking rich and pleased with themselves. Makes me wish I could fail them, but they are too spot-on.
74. Sienna and Jude - WTH? Sienna looks old and stringy in a mullet dress, and Jude’s eye is wandering. Fail - but can I fail her and keep him?
75. Rachel Bilson looking very pretty. I wish the dress fit better, but not a fail (damning with faint praise again, though).
76. Mariska Hargitay - walking close to the line of being overwhelmed by the dress, but she made me look twice and thrice, which is NEVER a mistake, so WIN. And I LOVE the color, I LOVE the balance with the necklace, so on fourth glance, it’s not so close to that line.
77. Bar Rafaeli looking demonic. FAIL.
78. Jessica Stam - perfection, if your goal is drawing all attention to your navel. Had potential. Fail.
79. Gayle King - the only magenta dress that looks fab tonight!
80. Diane Lane - meh, only it doesn’t fit through the bodice, and it should. The hair should look clean, too.
81. Janet Jackson - this could have been a major win, if only it wasn’t for the tennis balls we’ve seen too often.
82. Dracula himself.
83. men - but yummy men! Who IS that???
84. can I just fail all three without naming names?
85. Mayor and guest - who is one of the absolute most GORGEOUS women there tonight! Amazing dress, amazing presence - who cares about the shlubby mayor?
86. and for contrast - oh, HELL, no.
87. men, and Burberry. Meh.
88. diane kruger wannabe - meh.
89. I can’t say anything but FAB for Naomi, she might kick my a$$.
90. eek, Katie! The dress makes you look thick and middle-aged - which your body may be, but your spirit is not, so work it, girl! And find something else for the next event. (also hearkens back A.H.’s bow dress - without the droopy bosum, but WITH the emphasis where it ought not be.)
91. Ivanka - just yuk. Love the color, but not even a near-miss.
92. and in the mannequin category, this overwhelming dress that few could pull off, and fewer still would want to.
93. another mullet dress, with boob-flattening detail, in magenta. Triple fail on one girl - major accomplishment!
94. somebody else designing for Gap - and it looks like a Gap outfit, no matter what she paid. FAIL.
95. dress = meh. Boots = FAIL.
96. another vampire, yawn.
97. Camilla Belle, looking DIVINE! Red dress on red carpet can be a problematic combo, but not this time. STUNNING.
98. Cassie - anywhere else would be a fail, but I’m actually loving this. Maybe any-ONE else would be a fail, but the dress is kinda cool, and the shoes match without matchy-matching, with the clutch - I think she wins!
99. Just as her expression says, oh, HELL no. and she doesn’t dare move for fear of flashing.
100. I don’t hate anything about this, but it just looks meh here. And it shouldn’t.
101. Maggie Grace, you look lovely. But you look MEH lovely. Take a risk!
102. take dress on the left, shoes and bag on the right, and you might have a win. Instead, two fails.