Wednesday, January 31, 2007

7 strange things

apparently, i'm it; but i don't know 7 people to pass this on to, and the one i do know, my sister stole when she tagged me! so if you want to participate, just comment so and we'll come see your answers!

THE RULES (for those who care): Each player of this game starts with the '7 weird things about you.' People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 7 weird things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 7 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says 'you are tagged' in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

just name 7 strange things about you.

1. birthmarks. i have a scattering of brown spots across my back just over my bum. now they have a bruise/tattoo in there with them since my car accident/back injury in 2002.

2. have you dated anyone outside your ethnicity? my first boyfriend was indian/japanese. very self-confident person, which is why he was my first boyfriend; nobody else asked me out. i'm just too smart AND hot, i terrified all the little boys i met before i was 18!

3. my friends and i used to "kidnap" boys (with their mothers' permission and cooperation) from their beds at dawn and drive up to the mountains (15 minutes) for a picnic breakfast (age 17/18). (think this was why i scared them?) piled 8 or 9 people into my tiny datsun F10.

4. i love to play the sims, make people who get to look the way they want with just mouse clicks, do what they want without responsibility crippling them, all different rules - it's a great fantasy world!

5. i also like to make avatar/dolls at elouai/candybar dollmaker. (click on my current doll to go to the site to make your own.) this freaks my friend alana out, which is why my doll is titled "how to freak alana out!"

6. i never go to the mall. went for maternity bras last week, first time in probably 2 years. i hit target and sam's at least once a week (target usually 2 or 3), and know all of the staff there. too well, according to my SIL.

7. i can't think of weird things about myself, but that's pretty much the definition of me; quirky! just found one - i love icyhot or similar products rubbed into my shoulders, but if it even TOUCHES my neck skin, i have to go wash it off IMMEDIATELY; it hurts!

tag! any viewers - you're it!

Tuesday, January 30, 2007


we have a winner! we are officially having a baby girl! i'm so freaking excited!

baby is modest and wouldn't show the goods at first. the tech kept going back and checking. she finally moved her legs and we found no turtles there! (web term for boy genitals)

lucky me - i also have placenta previa. OB says 90% of the time they move on their own, so don't worry about C-section now. but pelvic rest until the next ultrasound - 9 or 10 weeks from now. (if it's still low, they'll do another, and then i think they schedule the C-section if it's still low that late.)

no worries anyway - i don't do labor without pitocin, so small chance of rupture. anyway - i'm having a girl baby, so i don't care if i have to have surgery to get her out!

everything is where it should be, so it's all good! may publish u/s photo later...

Monday, January 29, 2007

21 hours

i'm a hopeless nut case! but i'm SO excited!

Saturday, January 27, 2007


Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.

The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light.

After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through.

The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red, but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"

Mildred turned to her and said, "Crap, am I driving?!"

Friday, January 26, 2007

only 4 more days!

more accurately, close to 3-1/2. i'm close to counting down hours!

Thursday, January 25, 2007

i love coffee.

i drink it every day. i tried to quit when i got KU, but my OB told me to stop trying to be SuperMom and that it is fine to drink in moderation. so i pulled my slack-ass off the couch and brewed a pot.

i buy coffee from Green Mountain Coffee Roasters ( - fair trade, organic, delicious coffee. and i'm happy every day when i brew it up or heat it up and drink it.

a few weeks ago, DH came home with a giant bag of bargain-brand coffee. he was just as pleased as a puppy with himself.

it's vile. it smells like cigarette ash.

but being another BrokeGirl (go to for the REAL BG's articles), i put on my game face and drink it.

and i've discovered a trick to making cheap coffee palatable, if not "good." add a few drops of real vanilla extract to the cup. (in fact, if I'M brewing it, i add a couple of shots to the basket.) it cuts the bitterness right down to tolerable.

now my goal is to drink the nasty stuff as fast as possible so we can buy more of the good stuff. counting the days!

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

PMP 1/24

Aunt Bessie loved to visit her nieces and nephews. However, she had relatives all over the country. The problem was that no matter how much she enjoyed seeing them, she was scared of flying.

No matter how safe people told her it was, she was always worried that someone would have a bomb on the plane. She read books about how safe it was and listened to the stewardess demonstrate all the safety features. But she still worried herself silly every time a visit was coming up.

Finally, the family decided that maybe if she saw the statistics she'd be convinced. So they sent her to a friend of the family who was an actuary.

"Tell me," she said suspiciously, "what are the chances that someone will have a bomb on a plane?"

The actuary looked through his tables and said, "A very small chance. Maybe one in five hundred thousand."

She nodded, then thought for a moment. "So what are the odds of two people having a bomb on the same plane?"

Again he went through his tables.

"Extremely remote," he said. "About one in a billion."

Aunt Bessie nodded and left his office.

And from that day on, every time she flew, she took a bomb with her.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

need a laugh!

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

Well, for example, the other day I was in town and went into a shop. I was only in there for about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

I walked up to him and said, "How about giving a senior citizen a break?"

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.

I called him a Nazi.

He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires.

So, I called him a Terrorist.

He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket.

This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Personally, I didn't care. I came into town on the park-n-ride bus and the car had a "Hillary for President" bumper sticker.

I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired.

It's important at my age.

Monday update (on Tuesday)

(1/22) i've been negligent for a few weeks, busy Monday mornings!


PROS: feeling very comfortable as far as pregnancy goes. no longer in first trimester coma. only EIGHT (now SEVEN) days until big ultrasound, VERY excited. and the things that really matter are keeping up.

CONS: still waiting on the 2nd tri energy! i've had a cold (or two or three) for going on 6 weeks now. DH is worn out taking care of the family while i sleep... haven't even started getting ready for baby - haven't gotten Christmas decor down, nobody has any energy! (but the things that REALLY matter are being kept up.) can't wait to feel WELL.

(1/23) i got some antibiotics for strep throat today, so let's all hope this is the end of the run of sickness and the beginning of feeling triffic!

#2 son had a minor procedure this morning to remove a splinter that went all the way under his thumbnail to the back of it. he was very brave. of course, i didn't tell him there would be a needle, and i didn't let him watch. then we both went for a coke for our nervous tummies.

the van broke down again last week, but apparently it only needed a stern talking-to and a time-out. the mechanic couldn't find the problem. it would click once, then start. it did this once for the mechanic, then straightened up and stopped giving me grief! i'm very relieved as a new starter is NOT in the budget! starting an emergency fund IS - and quite necessary, as i'll have several big bills with baby, starting in march.

enough news - let me go find a good joke for today!

Friday, January 19, 2007

red lifesavers

just a stray thought...

so many people love red flavored candy etc. and i can't stand it most of the time. i've ALWAYS hated cherry-flavored anything - i only like FRESH cherries. no cherry pie for this girl - yuck!

and it was a few years ago that i figured out why. this is one of my BEST "most embarrassing" stories (i'll tell you about the foreign exchange student another day).

i was probably 8 or 9. the dentist had given mom fluoride pills b/c our water wasn't fluoridated. she put them up on the refrigerator. they were TINY little pink pills, and i REALLY liked how they tasted. they were "raspberry" flavored (but didn't affect my appetite for berries, go figure!).

so, one day, i took it upon myself to climb up on the counter, get those pills, and ate a handful. it's amazing i didn't poison myself. well, i ate about half, then i started feeling sick and put the rest back. but i must've eaten 20 or more. and didn't tell mom b/c i didn't want to get in trouble. (an ER visit would have ensued, i realize in retrospect.)

after that i never liked cherry flavoring. i bet i wouldn't like that fake raspberry flavor either, but these days if it's raspberry flavored, it's REAL.

now i'm nauseous. i hope you appreciate my sacrifice for my blog!

NEW survey!

Tired of those same old "55 questions about me" surveys? Well here are 55 I guarantee you've never answered.

1. Is your second toe longer than your first? yes
2. Do you have a favorite type of pen? any gel ink that doesn't dry out when it's left uncapped.
3. Look at your planner for March 14, what are you doing? i'm too lazy to go look in my planner
4. What color are your toenails usually? blank
5. What was the last thing you highlighted? something for a kid's homework assignment
6. What color are your bedroom curtains? they're a lovely green pattern, but i haven't hemmed them OR hung them.
7. What color are the seats in your car? Gray
8. Have you ever had a black and white cat? No, black ones as a kid; one gray and one orange tiger now.
9. What is the last thing you put a stamp on? a bill
10. Do you know anyone who lives in Wyoming? um, no
11. Why did you withdraw cash from the ATM the last time? don't usually use ATM, use my debit card and get cash back. last time ATM was for a road trip! (thanksgiving)
12. Who is the last baby that you held? church friends, at church (!)
13. Do you know of any twins with rhyming names? not personally
14. Do you like Cinnamon toothpaste? Ew *nose wrinkle*
15. What kind of car were you driving 2 years ago? same one I drive today
15. Pick one: Miami Hurricanes or Florida Gators. don't care about either, but i prefer a gator to a hurricane.
(where's #16? alana!)
17. Last time you went to Six Flags? um, in 1990.
18. Do you have any wallpaper in your house? it came with wallpaper
19. Closest thing to you that is yellow: a postit, or my electronic yahtzee (it's kinda gold/orange)
20. Last person to give you a business card? i forget, but i got one recently
21. Who is the last person you wrote a check to? a bill
22. Closest framed picture to you? me holding #2 as a newborn with #1 snuggled up on my other side looking a bit lost and confused.
23. Last time you had someone cook for you? DH last night!
24. Have you ever applied for welfare? Nope
25. How many emails do you have? LFI no
26. Last time you received flowers? my boys brought some in a couple of days ago, before the weather went COLD.
27. Do you think the sanctity of marriage is meant for only a man & woman? i don't like the way that question was phrased, but i think committed partners should be allowed to have a ceremony. sexual orientation doesn't affect our commitment OR lack thereof.
(where's 28? ALANA!)
29. Do you play air guitar? not really
30. Do you take anything in your coffee? one equal and lots of cream in a double cup
31. Do you have any Willow Tree figurines? don't think so
32. What was/is your high school's mascot? Caveman!
33. Last person you spoke to from high school? a sibling, i'm sure
34. Last time you used hand sanitizer? several weeks ... we use it when we go to movies all the time, beats standing in line or missing the movie, but we've been TOO BROKE FOR MOVIES! (i know, sacrilege!)
35. Would you like to learn to play the drums? sure
36. What color are the blinds in your living room? white lace
37. What is in your inbox at work? a report waiting to be typed ... and waiting, and waiting
38. Last thing you read in the newspaper? the comix and/or quote du jour
39. What was the last pageant you attended? a cousin's little miss, prob.
40. What is the last place you bought pizza from? Papa John's!
41. Have you ever worn a crown? tiaras count, wore one a few years ago for a girls' night out.
42. What is the last thing you stapled? bills
43. Did you ever drink clear Pepsi? maybe - hated it!
44. Are you ticklish? if you have to ask you don't know me!
45. Last time you saw fireworks? couple of 7/4's ago
46. Last time you had a Krispy Kreme doughnut? far too long ... last month, i think
47. Who is the last person that left you a message & you actually returned their call? a lady from the lawyer's office (debt restructuring)
48. Last time you parked under a carport? i may never have... well, when i was 17/18 we had one, so it might just be that long.
49. Do you have a black dog? no dogs allowed
50. Do you have any pickles in your fridge? heck yeah! remember the hormones?
51. Are you an aunt or uncle? i'm an auntie
52. Who has the prettiest eyes that you know of? possibly Orlando Bloom, but in Zorro #1 Antonio Banderas looked a lot like him... the mask shows all!
53. Last time you saw a semi truck? probably at lunch
54. Do you remember Ugly Kid Joe? who?
55. Do you have a little black dress? i stopped buying all-black 15 years ago. but i may have one still on a hanger somewhere that doesn't come close to fitting...

LOL 1/19

A drunk man smelling of booze sat down on a subway next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the manturned to the priest and asked, "Say Father, what causes arthritis?"

The priest replies, "My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath."

The drunk muttered in response "Well, I'll be damned," then returned to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."


Thursday, January 18, 2007

i can't believe i just did this.

hormone head strikes again...

we're in NC, and we've had balmy weather up until now. sleet/freezing rain forecast for this morning.

so i get up and check the news station's website, closings. we live in forsyth county; i see "forsyth" and "opens at 10 a.m."

so i put my kids back to bed and ignored them.

the bus just went up the road. DH comes in and says what-up??? then i remember - it's "winston-salem/forsyth county schools." check the website. we're on time; it's a private school, "forsyth country day school," that's starting at 10.

I could just cry. they have to get ready in 10 minutes b/c #2 has testing this week, HAS to be there. and _I_ made him go back to bed! i feel so bad. somebody hug me!

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

weird dreams

here's a weirdy: we've been watching friends reruns, and phoebe's pregnant with the triplets.

last night i dreamed that the triplets were for a lady in our church (who has two daughters, 7 and 9, and no need for triplets!). she couldn't pick them up as soon as they were born, so my mom and i were watching them (mom and i live 3000 miles apart).

it was actually a really neat experience, playing with those babies, and for some reason they could crawl and talk a little and try to walk (but they were newborns, just acting 9 months old or something). they were all different sizes, too. we really enjoyed playing with them and taking care of them.

maybe i've been worried about all the work involved in new babies, and needed to remember all the rewarding parts, the play and the learning. whatever, last night i enjoyed my dreams!

anyone else having freaky dreams?

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

time to laugh!

A mother calls 911, very worried, asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room; the kid was eating ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and it should be fine.

The mother says, I just gave him some ant killer.

Dispatcher: Rush him in to emergency room!

Life is tough.

It's tougher if you're stupid.

Friday, January 12, 2007

Thursday, January 11, 2007

thank goodness for a new survey!

i hope the answers will be slightly more interesting than last time.

*What do you drink with dinner? milk or water
*What do you dip a chicken nugget in? ketchup. the best chicken fingers are the ones i make, but i haven't had time or energy in TOO long. and as alana said - buffalo wings should ONLY be dipped in bleu cheese (accompanied by celery)
*What is your favorite type of food/cuisine? potato
*What movies could you watch over and over and still love? *giggle/snort* well, i have a shelf full of them... love me some musicals, Dirty Dancing, Charlie's Angels, Legally Blond ...
*Were you in sports in high school? no, but i ran track in 7th grade
*Were you a boy/girl scout? i WANTED to be a Boy Scout, but they said No. even though explorers now include girls, the troops that are sponsored by Mormons won't. i finally did become one by WORKING FOR THEM - i was an official member of the BSA! i did do Girl Scouts for a while at age 11/12, but they were boring, except for the cookies. we did go to the circus!
*When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it? recently - something included with customer service request or something. i write notes to teachers on paper all the time, and use kid mail!
*Ever gotten a speeding ticket? well, yeah. new license, cop pulled me over, said did you know you were going 75? (limit was 55) gave him my wide-eyed innocent look and said no... inside was thinking 'thank goodness i just slowed down from 95!'
*Favorite kind of sandwich? TOMATO! love me a ham&cheese, or grilled, or tomato and cheese, but given i had to get up at 10 pm last night for a tomato sandwich, i'll have to go with that.
*Best thing to eat for breakfast? cinnabon, but i don't dare.
*What is your usual bedtime? 8/830 to bed, lights out by 10 if i behave
*Are you lazy? more than i want to admit, but less than certain people think
*What's your favorite mixed drink? anything frozen (that doesn't contain tequila)
*When you were a kid what did you dress up as for halloween? a princess or a witch.
*Do you read the newspaper? comics, local stuff
*How many languages can you speak? English! i can muddle through in french; i have a little spanish, and i can say disgusting things in japanese.
*Do you have any magazine subscriptions? far too many; Entertainment Weekly is the only one i always keep!
*Is Fabio ugly? nope. he was too hot for too long to be ugly.
*Which are better, Legos or Lincoln Logs? tough one. in the hands of a creative person, either! i didn't have lincoln logs so i guess i think they're better!
*Red wine or white wine? usually white; champagne is best!
*Are you stubborn? MIL and #2 son are the only ones MORE stubborn
*Who is better... Leno or Letterman? i go to bed too early to know anymore, but i would vote for letterman
*Watch a soap opera? not now; did as a teen, again in office sitch where everyone watched them at lunch together.
*Afraid of heights? not particularly, just sensibly.
*Sing in the car? radio doesn't work, it's the only way to have music!
*Dance in the shower? no, but i sing in the shower
*Dance in the car? rarely; radio has been out for over a year
*Ever used a gun? Water, air guns only.
*Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? Christmas 2004.
*Are musicals cheesy? did you see my reply to fave movies? i still love musicals - i watch WAY too much Disney Channel.
*Is Christmas stressful? well, yeah, but worth it.
*Ever eat a pierogie? as often as possible. #1 son's nickname was a little pierogie! did YOU ever eat gwumke?
*Favorite type of fruit pie? peach, if we're talking real pie. jumbleberry, key lime, or lemon meringue. sweet potato counts, right? we have that all the time.
*Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? clown, Price is Right girl
*Do you believe in ghosts? not as such; spirits more so
*Ever have a Deja vu feeling? Ever have a Deja Vu feeling? (i just can't improve on that)
*Take a vitamin daily? i take a handful of shi* daily, there's usually a vitamin in there, and an omega-3 supplement.
*Wear slippers? no
*Wear a bath robe? no
*What do you wear to bed? nightgown/nightshirt
*First concert? U2 Achtung Baby
*Any tattoos? nope; if i got one, it would be a pixie on my ankle
*Wal-Mart, Target or K-Mart? Target!
*Nike or Adidas? Skechers
*Fritos or Cheetos? usually Fritos
*Corn nuts or sunflowers seeds? corn nuts previously, but neither now
*Ever heard of "gorp"? think so - trail mix?
*Ever take dance lessons? before wedding, DH and i did. didn't help us not to shuffle around for "our" dance, and i bitched at him the whole time we were in class, so doubt i could ever get him to do it again. (he just wouldn't LEAD!)
*Is there a profession that you picture your perfect spouse to have? movie star, of course (yeah, there's a few candidates picked out)
*Can you curl your tongue? mhm
*Ever won a spelling bee? 4th grade classroom, 7th grade classroom; came in 2nd in middle school in 7th grade.
*Have you ever cried because you were so happy? kids do that to me
*5 words that describe you? intense, take-charge, smarty-pants, childlike, crafty
*Own any record albums? once i had the Pet Shop Boys... i won it from the radio station
*Own a record player? nope.
*Regularly burn incense? scented candles count?
*Ever been in love? far too often!
*Who would you really like to see in concert? the Beatles
*Hot tea or iced tea? usually iced, hot if i'm sick and congested
*Favorite kind of cookie? don't make me choose... CostCo Chocolate Chip
*Can you swim well? i barely swim
*Can you hold your breath w/o manually holding your nose? uh, yeah
*Ever had braces or a mouth piece? no - but i have a night guard for grinding teeth into
*Are you artistic? more crafty
*Are you patient? more so since having babies than i ever thought possible, but not enough for their preferences!
*DJ or band, at a wedding? we had a DJ; idano which i prefer
*Ever won a contest? once or twice, little things, but exciting!
*Have plastic surgery? had a plastic surgeon remove a mole; does that count?
*Which are better, black or green olives? black by themselves, but this "carolina caviar," which is really like black-eyed pea salsa, has green olives in it and is yummy (local supermarket makes it in the deli).
*Can you knit or crochet? crochet, square things only
*Best room for a fireplace? outside

daily giggle 1/11

One day a professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept with his pre-med students. A student rudely interrupted to ask, "Why do we have to learn this pointless information?"

"To save lives," the professor responded quickly, and continued the lecture.

A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted.

"It keeps the ignoramuses like you out of medical school," replied the professor.


this one ALWAYS makes me laugh. :D

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

14w4d update

boobies went up another size today (see previous bra rants)!. GR!

only 20 more days until we find out gender of baby-to-be!

joke du jour 1/10

A huge corporation recently hired several cannibals.

"You are all part of our team now", said the HR rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any of our employees."

The cannibals promised they would not.

Four weeks later the HR rep called them together and remarked, "You're all working very hard and we're satisfied with your work. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?"

The cannibals all shook their heads 'No.' After the HR rep had left the room, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "OK - which one of you idiots ate the secretary?"

A hand rose hesitantly.

"You fool!" the leader continued. "For four weeks we've been eating managers, and no one noticed anything. But NOOOooo, you had to go and eat someone who actually does something!!!"

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

don't make me laugh!

still giggling...

i am still recovering from this evil cold. i just went to print something, fell over my feet to put paper in the tray, and started giggling; whereupon i started choking and coughing and bringing up yeuk.

don't make me laugh! it results in yeuk! and i am one CLUMSY preggo already. *pout*

Saturday, January 06, 2007

enjoying new blogger!

this is so cool. i got to add links, which are some of my favorite places to visit daily or at least more than once a week. and getting to the posting page is faster. why wouldn't you have a blog of your own?

possibly because work beckons and we all must heed its summons? well, i think fast and type fast, so you get the real me. and you get it faster now with the "new" blogger! having a grand old time!


update on week 14: i've got energy back! the evil cold is leaving, slowly and reluctantly, but definitely leaving. not really feeling pregnant, but the long list of things that must be done before baby comes is no longer quite as intimidating as it was during the first-trimester coma! and best of all: at visit this week, scheduled ultrasound for 1/30! only 24 more days until we know the gender of our newest arrival-to-be! can't wait!

Friday, January 05, 2007

another in the same theme

A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her daughter was very sick with a fever. She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy toget some medication. When she got back to her car, she found that she had locked her keys in the car.

She didn't know what to do, so she called home and told the baby sitter what had happened. The baby sitter told her that the fever was getting worse. She said, "You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door."

The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been left on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time had locked their keys in their car. She looked at the hanger and said, "I don't know how to use this." She bowed her head and asked God to send her help.

Within five minutes a beat-up old motorcycle pulled up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head. The woman thought, "This is what you sent to help me?"

The man got off of his cycle and asked if he could help.

She said, "Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some medication and I locked my keys in my car. I must get home to her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"

He said, "Sure." He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was opened.

She hugged the man and through her tears she said, "Thank You So Much! You are a very nice man."

The man replied, "Lady, I am not a nice man. I just got out of prison today. I was in prison for car theft and have only been out for about an hour."

The woman hugged the man again and with tears cried out loud,"Oh, thank you God! You even sent me a professional!"


This and the grocery joke are hilarious, partly because you could see the germ of truth in their reactions! and the Hand of God is something we can't say didn't do these things. so laugh, because they're funny! and pray, because we want to stay on His good side.

As Damon Wayans said, when asked if there was anything he WOULDN'T crack jokes about (such as handicapped people, etc.), he said "I don't make any God jokes, because I don't want God making any Damon Wayans jokes!" I love that attitude.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

non sequitur

i can't believe i've had a blog for two years! if you read my archived first entries, they were saved thoughts i'd had about "if i had a blog." i think they're some of my funniest ones (at least that aren't jokes)!

give me a comment to help me celebrate my two years with blogger! and i've just upgraded to google, so looking forward to the next two years! (i couldn't get through my day without google.)

a giggle a day 1/4

Every morning, a woman stood on her porch and shouted "Praise the Lord!"

Every morning, the atheist in the house across from her shouted back, "There is no Lord!"

One day, when the woman is out on her porch she says, "Dear God, I'm hungry. Please send me groceries."

The next day, when she goes out to her porch, she sees a huge bag of groceries on her doorstep. "Praise the Lord!" she shouts.

"Aha!" says the neighbour, stepping out from the bushes. "This is proof that there's no God: I brought those groceries myself."

"Praise the Lord!" says the woman again. "Not only did the Lord send the groceries, he made the devil pay for them."

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

joke du jour 1/2/07

A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck and everyone inside dies. When they get to meet their maker, because of the grief they have experienced, he decides to grant them one wish each before they enter Heaven.

They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what their wish is. "I want to be gorgeous." So God snaps His fingers, and it is done. The second one in line hears this and says, "I want to be gorgeous too." Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.

This goes on for a while with each one asking to be gorgeous, but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in the line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing his head off.

Finally, God reaches this last guy and asks him what his wish will be. The guy eventually calms down and says:

"Make 'em all ugly again."

So, the next time you are last in!