HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM
1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work Boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with several empty beer cans, a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine, and several NRA magazines.
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads: Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim: I went to the Gun shop for more ammunition, back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls -- they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it, but it was hard to tell from all the blood.
PS - I locked all four of 'em in the house.
Better wait outside.