Tuesday, August 25, 2009

on white shirts and orange juice

I no longer buy white shirts. I only seldom drink Orange Juice. But it seems, if I'm in the mood to wear a white shirt, I'm also in the mood to drink OJ. and the twain shall ALWAYS meet with me in the middle! OJ does NOT like to come out of white shirts; thus the reason I no longer buy them.

Being nearly 40, it's nice to know a few things about yourself. and you don't BUY the stupid
white shirts anymore. (My wonderful mum gave me one a couple of years ago. which I promptly stained. I just stenciled over the stain so I could wear it again, and I'm enjoying wearing it. It doesn't provoke the OJ response like a clean white shirt would.)

So. Last month, I bought a

Yes, you can guess where this is going. I can hear the groans.

I parked at the curb at Trader Joe's, and returned my cart to the corral. Before I even got INTO the car, I heard a thud. The stupid
RED cart had fallen off the curb and onto my bumper.

Good news: NO DAMAGE.
Bad news:
BIG RED STRIPE down the bumper of my BRAND-NEW car (3 weeks old then).

I grumbled and cussed for a few minutes, and tried to decide if I needed to be distraught over this. Then I remembered the
WHITE-SHIRT phenomenon. And I decided I'm GLAD the car is stained. Because NOW it won't ATTRACT ORANGE JUICE!


My precious darling LaLa fell and got several large scrapes on Sunday. We didn't even see the one on her back (she was wearing a dress, which flipped up) until that evening.

So I went into my first-aid kit and got out my giant Band-Aids with Neosporin built in. I LOVE Neo Band-Aids because I don't have to find the stupid ointment. And I said, as I got them laid out to put on her poor swollen scrapes, "This is why I keep these on hand."

and the 2-year-old immediately told me "No, mom, on my back!"

It's only funny until someone gets hurt.

No, no, that's not what I meant to say. I meant it's funny the first time they say something like that; around about the 100th you want to go Homer on them. Fortunately it will take a while before I'm that frustrated with her know-it-all-ness. I know this because my 9-year-old is presently smarter than any living thing.

2-year-old know-it-all: CUTE.
9-year-old know-it-all: MADDENING!