Wednesday, February 28, 2007

you gotta try this recipe

When I found this recipe, I thought it was perfect for people, like me, who just are not sure how to tell when poultry is thoroughly cooked, but not dried out. Give this a try.


6-7 lb. chicken
1 cup melted butter
1 cup stuffing (Pepperidge Farm is good.)
1 cup uncooked popcorn (ORVILLE REDENBACHER'S LOW FAT)
salt/pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Brush chicken well with melted butter, salt, and pepper. Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn. Place in baking pan with the neck end toward the back of the oven. Listen for the popping sounds.

When the chicken's a$$ blows the oven door open and the chicken flies across the room, it is done.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

i'm so freaking sick

and i'm so freaking sick and tired of being ... sick and tired. i know, what a cliche, but shut up.

found out i was PG 10/29. was in a sleep coma for the first trimester. then i got sick. 10 weeks later, i'm still sick with the same recurrent damn bug.

the ENT gave me Cleocin, which is very strong. Monday, four days later, i was WORSE. so he added clindamycin. this is the CLINT Eastwood of antibiotics. i'm some better today. don't feel like i'm going to die (or wanting to) today.

my head isn't full of cement today, but more like mashed potatoes. and i can't type or think. so don't complain about my lack of humor or inappropriateness today. cuz i'll just cuss at you, if i can spell the words.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

tickle me, tickle you

Five Amazing Remedies:
1. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
2. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
3. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
4. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.
5. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for three minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. *Remember to use a timer.*
6. Have a bad headache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the headache.

Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:
You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.
If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
When all else fails, toss down a good shot of whiskey and take a nap.

*Remember*...Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.
And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.


thanks to stewbert - i just hadta share!

Friday, February 23, 2007

i have no secrets

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will have a few true loves.

You've been deeply wounded in the past, and you're still recovering from that hurt.

You expect a lot from your lover - you want the full package. You tend to be very picky.

In fights, you love to debate and defend yourself. You logic prevails - or at least you'd like to think so.

Getting over a break-up doesn't take long. Easy come, easy go.

and it's eerie how close this is to reality!

Friday Fave Five

i have no idea what my fave five is today. but i'll give it a whirl.

1. antibiotics. even if i do get sick again a week later, at least i feel better for a while!
2. elementary school. i love visiting and volunteering. wish i had the time to do both more regularly, but when you're broke, you work. it's just like the smell makes you feel young again!
3. special events at elementary school. today was "North Carolina Breakfast." the kids learned their state song, and had a great big breakfast made from things produced in North Carolina. it was GOOD! (pretty much everything Cracker Barrel serves is made in NC).
4. Fourth grade. i fit right in with the giddy girls. they're not hormonal and boy-crazy yet, so we got along GREAT.
5. Misfit teenagers. i met a girl who said she would babysit and clean house for FREE! she's being home-schooled "because she made a lot of bad choices last year." i told her that being home-schooled is enough info; she doesn't have to tell anybody about her choices! but she's stir-crazy like a SAHM, and is gonna come help me clean the house! woohoo! [she was there b/c she's stir-crazy, has a brother at the school.]

some theme, here - the breakfast made my week! it was such fun. of course, i did spill coffee down my front, but it was my own fault for wearing a WHITE SHIRT. stupid. (i try to avoid eating while wearing white.)

Gabe was very quiet. somehow, half a dozen girls sat near him. but he enjoyed himself and was glad i came, even though he was quiet. i may rant (often and loudly), but i love my boy. he's a freak, but he's MY freak! (he has a club on the bus that is the freaks, and he graduated to Freak Manager when the last one went to middle school. i've taught him well!)

Thursday, February 22, 2007

update - war on bugs!

apparently, the ear isn't really infected. i'm just miserable for no apparent reason.

well, that's not strictly true. my ear hurts awfully, but it's because of SINUS problems. the drainage down the back of my throat burns in the same spot as the ear infection did.

so the ENT hmmed and hummed and studied his PDR to see what would kill bugs but not babies, and gave me Omnicef for two weeks. apparently i'm not allergic as i took it an hour ago and am still kicking.

i also get to keep taking Mucinex, and use a sinus rinse to try to keep things from sitting around and growing bugs on them. this is a very unpleasant feeling (though my freaky DH thinks it's cool to squirt water up your nose and watch it come out of your mouth, along with all the boogies you never wanted to see) to me. but i told the doctor i'd do it at least while on the antibiotic, to give things a chance to get well.

please let this be the pill that fixes this damn infection! i'd better double up on my probiotic starting NOW.

(the ear has an infected hair follicle, but that's nothing like what we were looking for. and the omnicef will kill that, too. it does - sort of - explain the pain. so can the congestion i thought was a normal level in pregnancy. what fun. i am SO getting my tubes tied!)


reading "dooce" today, she was noting how her husband really enjoys watching American Idol with her. you know, as much as he'd enjoy getting random body piercings without being drunk.

and i had to laugh. b/c i ALWAYS laugh at heather. she a funny gull!

[me, i'm just too damn busy (or lazy) to keep track of the TV schedule, so we generally watch whatever's on. i did manage to keep track for Dancing with the Stars through Emmitt Smith's tenure (and is he one FINE man or what?).]

DH loves Everybody Loves Raymond. and i don't. it usually doesn't bother me much. however.

SINCE i've been hormone head, Marie drives me insane. now, i know she's supposed to be funny. but i seriously want to do her bodily injury now. i start watching, and start bitching about what treatment MY MIL would get if she acted that way toward me (which incidentally, she doesn't, but right now it seems like she does! hormones have that effect on me). oddly enough, DH doesn't appreciate those rants.

#1 son is in love with That '70s Show. being the opposite of a conversative mom, i'm cool with that. so we put on WB in the evenings. hey, it's a huge improvement over PBS and cartoons! two episodes of 70s, followed by two of Friends. and everybody is happy.

then DH just HAS to watch ELR. whereupon i leave the room. and there are TWO episodes, of course (it's WB! or CW, whatever). it just seems the better part of valor for world peace - or at least, staying married - that i not comment on that bitch Marie. but i decided that if i left the room for the first one, he couldn't watch the second. a reasonable compromise, no? except it came across as a mandate from Pregnant-Mom-from-Hell.

and i'm actually quite cool with that.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

mmm... chocolate

You are Dark Chocolate

You live your life with intensity, always going full force.
You push yourself (and others) to the limit... you want more than you can handle.
An extreme person, you challenge and inspire the world!

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

the OB fiasco

*i'm fine. this has nothing to do with the baby girl.*

and now the ugly OB bitching begins.

my ear infection is recurring. it started saturday with the ear pain and the burning drainage down the eustachian tube, causing severe sore throat, and i can't talk very well with it.

so i coped until Monday. fortunately, my OB's office was open.

unfortunately, her BRAIN was CLOSED!

at my last visit, i saw an MD. the one i particularly dislike. she dismisses my concerns. i report the things i'm asked to report, or the "red flags," and she just shuts me down. it pisses me off and i'm PRAYING FERVENTLY she doesn't attend my birth. i may kick her. i'll probably kick her at that time if she attends.

[when i told her i was excessively thirsty in the evening, she said "drink more." nuf sed.]

so i phoned the office at 10 a.m. i had just gotten up; slept late yesterday as a "holiday." went to work, called the office. left a DETAILED message about my ear. the midwife i last saw 3 weeks ago diagnosed the ear infection, so i thought i'd call the OB first, start there.

the message went to the bad OB b/c she'd seen me last (last week, unrelated matters).

at 2:30, i phoned back to make sure i didn't fall through the cracks. they assured me i wouldn't. told me to call back before 4:30 when they closed the phone lines if i hadn't heard from them.

i admit it, i spaced - of course, it was too late to be seen if that was what they wanted anyway.

however, THEY called ME at 5:00 - regarding the unrelated matters from last week. the lady who called back said my other message was probably delayed b/c SHE had my chart, and likely they were looking for it.

[meanwhile, i've phoned the pharmacy repeatedly asking if they've gotten a call. nope.]

i gave up when i hadn't heard anything by 5:30. and i wanted to bawl my eyes out but my throat hurt too bad.

at 7:20, i got a phone call from the office. this poor nurse was sitting there returning all of the calls - and Monday is always busiest, b/c of we who have been waiting all weekend for medical care/advice!

she says the doctor glanced at the note at 5:00 and said "it would be poor standard of care to prescribe her anything without actually seeing her ear."

my reply: "i'm NOT bitching at you, but i AM bitching! it's poor standard of care to get a message at 10 a.m. and to not reply to it in such a manner until 7:20 p.m., when it's too late to DO anything ABOUT it!"

i DID what i was supposed to do. i phoned them as instructed, i followed up so i wouldn't fall through the cracks.

but i fell through the cracks anyway.

i am SO steaming. had it been ME, i'd have prescribed the antibiotic b/c of the poor office procedures, and asked me to come in today for an exam without fail. so maybe the poor ear infection could start getting better! *grumble cuss*

on the flip side, my PHARMACY phoned me back to say they'd never heard from the OB. they take better care of me than she does! they are totally awesome.

i'm phoning the GP this morning. i'll have to be seen, but the copay isn't $35, it's $20. and i'm never phoning the OB again about anything unrelated to pregnancy. next week, when i see a different MD/OB in the office, he's getting an EARFUL! i need to know their procedures regarding attending birth, cuz i'd way rather have a nurse practitioner or midwife attend, and i DON'T want the bad girl NO MATTER WHAT! i'druther have a resident attend.

thanks for listening. i'm thoroughly ventilated now.

ps - saw the OB today b/c the GP couldn't see me until Thursday. they felt that since i'd had URIs for the last two months, and this has survived three cycles of antibiotics, i needed to be seen by an ENT. they got me an appointment for Thursday, but wanted to wait until then for the antibiotics, so the ENT would SEE something, instead of a half-way well ear. i'm not happy about it, but i understand. *sigh*

the saga continues/vent

since DH had a brain fart the resulted in the kids staying home, i let him take care of the "excuse note." i didn't expect the absence to BE excused, but they still need a note.

as he's rushing them out the door, i hear him saying, "Well, I'm sure you had a stomach ache at some point yesterday, so here's your excuse."


just phoned him in the car. my points:
1. this teaches them that when it is expedient, it's OK to lie.
2. when we disagree on points like this, we shouldn't discuss them in front of the children. [this was one of our spats this weekend, him questioning me in such a manner. my reply made him mad, so he was nasty to me.]

his answer:
1. he didn't want them to be punished for his mistake.
2. i'm probably right.

he can't just come out and SAY i'm right, he has to say "probably." ARGH! but he DID say he'd talk to them about it. and i know he didn't consider the consequences. he just wanted to get the note written, and them not to be in trouble. and i was really nice on the phone.

but parents have to ALWAYS consider the consequences, dammit! he's easygoing and i'm a control freak (he calls me a micro-manager in the nastiest voice possible when he's fed up with this). we make a good team most of the time. but i don't want to be the only ADULT. he plays with the kids and i discipline them. it's not fair!

OK, i feel better. i know it doesn't ever end up fair. and when i'm totally laid up, he does step up a bit on the disipline factor.

as i closed with him - being parents is always something.
FINALLY, someone has come out with a 100% bipartisan political bumper sticker. This hot-selling bumper sticker comes from New York state:


Democrats put it on the rear bumper.

Republicans put it on the front bumper.

my three freaks

last night DH had a church meeting. i put the boys to bed on time. he came home shortly thereafter and went in to rile them up. gr.

but after he told me the story, i couldn't help but laugh. so i couldn't be mad!

he went in and #2 son says, "dad, sleep with me tonight!"

#1 son: "but then i'll have to sleep with mom, so she won't be lonely!"

DH: "mom won't be lonely. she has the baby with her ALL the time - she's never lonely! for me to be as close to you as she is to the baby, i'd have to - EAT you!"

#1 son: "then i could hug your esophagus!"

#2 son: "and _I_ could tickle your LIVER!"

(ps - after much laughing and riling the boys us, DH came back and slept in his own bed. so i WASN'T lonely. :p )

Monday, February 19, 2007

finally saw Casino Royale

took the kids to the $2 theater and saw the movie. couple of scary bits, nothing too heavy for my boys. it was SO awesome! and can i just say - and this is the whole point of the post - YUM. Daniel Craig featured prominently in my dreams later.

i was pleasantly surprised by the movie. i'm still in mourning over Pierce Brosnan - after having him on my list since my teens, it was the dream of a lifetime when he became Bond. to have him no longer be so was heartbreaking. and for the first five minutes of the movie, i missed him.

and then Craig took over. the writing on this was probably sappy out of context, but IN context - damn. "your smile and your little finger are more masculine than any other man i've ever met." "that's because they can't do what i can with my little finger!" (paraphrased, gimme a break!) anyway - my heart went thump and i'm firmly on team Craig for the duration!

we came home and watched the two Brosnan Bonds we own, Goldfinger and Tomorrow Never Dies. will have to get busy acquiring more Bonds! (you have some really wild dreams after watching 3 Bonds in less than 24 hours, btw!)

i did it again.

i failed to send my children to school when they should have gone.

i'm really kicking myself for a supreme idiot about now. i have NOT gotten them ready b/c i mis-read the "snow day/delay" list on channel 2. i have sent them on time b/c i didn't check the "snow day/delay" list at all. and today i didn't send them at all.

but wait a minute - instead of kicking myself, shouldn't i be kicking my mis-INFORMANT? namely: DH. dammit! HE is the one who told me they were off today; in fact, he arranged to take the day off, too. so shouldn't i be kicking HIM?

maybe not - we don't need excuses to snipe at each other. [not really true, just last night we were; his idea of making up was making moves. i let him. otherwise, he's been an angel for months.]

however, i did issue a new edict: DH IS IN CHARGE of double-checking the school schedule. NOT me. i quit.

i wanted to quit everything when i first realized "i" had screwed up again. thank goodness i realized in time that, once again, DH is at fault!

...but a GOOD freak

#2 son is really about the most tender-hearted person i've ever met. he told us a while back that he likes making friends with people who don't have any. this isn't a result of years of church pounding thoughts into his head; these are HIS thoughts.

for his brother's birthday last June, he got to invite one friend to the big slumber party. this friend mentioned in passing that he likes Tyler b/c he never makes fun of anyone. can you think of ANYTHING that would make parents happier?

so, DH and i were sniping at each other yesterday (it was all HIS fault). and i was griping about my many horrible aches and pains (arms alternately numb and SCREAMING painful being chief amongst them). my sweetheart son came and snuggled up to me and said "it's probably your hormones, mom." nothing else could possibly have broken that pity party!

next time i'll have some thoughts about #1 son. he's hitting pre-puberty (actually, he's been dragging it around for a couple of years already), so it's not always as easy to find the fun stuff to talk about. and he's decided to be embarrassed at EVERY story i tell. (good thing he doesn't know about the blog, huh?) so, if the balance of stories is weighted towards #2, that's why; i'm tired of being in trouble every time i say #1's name!

Friday, February 16, 2007

#2 son is a freak!

i was just mentioning elsewhere how he will put ice on an injury, since he was just little, and keep it there; most small fry won't even let you TOUCH an injury with ice!

other ways he's a freak of nature:

we went to the supermarket wed. to return some moldy bread. we do the produce aisle first. as we pass the exotic veg, he asks if we can have asparagus. i say no, they don't take care of it properly here (the stems must be kept damp for tender sparagi!), so we don't like it. so he looks in the next bin and asks "how about eggplant?" tiny japanese eggplant, just as delicate as a bound foot.

well, actually, since #3 brother lives in Japan with his wife and hybrid daughter (whom we all love dearly), he recently sent a recipe for eggplant and pork. but it calls for miso and i haven't gotten any yet. (ALL of his recipes use miso!) so i told him we had to get the miso before the perishable.

we proceed around the perimeter of the store to the frozen foods. where he says, mom, can we buy OKRA? at this point i'm beginning to look at him rather strangely. we all like asparagus, so we do pay too much for it when it appears to be in good shape. but okra? i've eaten that about twice in my life! i told him i don't know how to cook it, but i'll see if i can find out. i'm sure there's a church lady or two who would love to teach me to cook more southern!

two more steps. "mom, buy brussels sprouts!" "Tyler, are you - hungry?" "YES!" "You didn't like brussels sprouts the last time i made them." "I liked them when Carol (auntie) made them!" "well, i'll see if i can find out what she did that made you like them."

one or two of these would have been a laugh, but at this point, i'm staring at him like he's turned green and sprouted a few more heads. and thus needed to preserve the story for all time! - or until an EMP kills the internet.

so i took him home and fed him yogurt. tonight we went to the japanese (!) restaurant (hibachi style) and fed him california rolls, his favorite food on earth. hey - i get some great stories out of this freaky kid! and i'm finding more things to feed him that will keep him healthy!

Friday Fave Five

oh my goodness, it's Friday again! fortunately i made some notes earlier in the week.

1. internet jokes! the good ones live forever - unfortunately, so do the bad ones. but some can really make your day.

2. blogs. is there anything more fun that getting to know someone who's just about as warped as you are? we can all use another friend - it's hard to be strictly cyber, but we manage!

3. technology. damn, you can do just about ANYTHING with technology. you can see a satellite photo of your house, in such detail as to know if anyone's outside! another remarkable tool for spying on your neighbors - or keeping track of your children!

4. jokes about computers - particularly the one comparing a car to a computer. we love them, we hate them, we can't live without them!

5. fave fives with themes!

not as touch-feely as last week, but i'm more goofy this week, iguess.

if i can get some "audience" participation, i'd love to have a poll on which joke y'all like the best! read through the last few weeks and give me an opinion!

Thursday, February 15, 2007

life is hard. it's harder when you're stupid.

(these are first-person tales, but they're retold, not about me!)

My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.


I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?" I explained that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned.


What do a bicycle and a mailbox have in common?

Neither of them can swim!!!!


Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.

One day, while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound-mindedness.

"The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"


got your joke fix for the day? good!

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

going into poll withdrawal

so here's one:
1. Do you like Valentines Day? yes, i think b/c of childhood memories
2. Do you make a big deal out of it? no
3. What are you doing for Valentines Day? not much; might make a big chocolate chip cookie with chocolate pudding on it... (pampered chef recipe)
4. What are you giving/getting for Valentines Day? i'd BETTER be getting chocolate, after the "subtle" hints i fired at him! we don't do much anymore now that we're OLD.

plus some un-Valentine questions for those who say "hell no!"
5. What's your favourite season and why? i like spring best, b/c the warm weather is coming to STAY! (also before allergies start)
6. What's your favourite activity of each season? spending time in the sun. i don't "lay out" or anything, but i love spending time outside in beautiful weather - before the allergies kick in. the best thing i can think of for winter is snuggling up with hot soup or other hot comfort food.
7. What's your best memory of each season?
spring - dying easter eggs in Kindergarten
summer - playing in the sprinkler
fall - crunching leaves and eating Whoppers (i have to have them when it gets cool every year!) - they were penny candy 30 years ago.
winter - christmas

8. What's your least favourite season and why? winter - i HATE the cold!
9. What's your least favourite activity of each season?
spring - allergies
summer - trying to work while the kids are home
fall - all the bills that come with back to school
winter - EVERYTHING! i hate snow work (shoveling) and play (skiing, etc.). i actually enjoy ice skating but not enough to get COLD.
do we sense a theme here?

10. What's your worst memory of each season?
spring - sneezing, wheezing, itching
summer - allergies that won't leave
fall - idiots who burn leaves! sense another theme here? respiratory distress!
winter - painting projects at school for christmas, i spilled paint all down the front of my dress. older sister was FURIOUS b/c it had been her favorite; she cried when she outgrew it!

Men are from Mars...

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed: "Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen."

God, in His infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.

He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast,packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the check book. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.

Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.

At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed.

At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: "Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh! oh! please, let us trade back."

The Lord, in His infinite wisdom, replied: "My son, I feel You have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.

"You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night."


a just and loving God!

i'm just impressed with what the guy got done! can you imagine how much YOUR SO would do in the same sitch?

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

good things!

i'm so excited. my wonderful sister's box arrived yesterday. she talked a lot about how "ugly" her clothes were, but i think that's b/c she hasn't been un-pregnant long enough to remember anything but hating all she could wear! they're great! lovely pants that are so much nicer than i would buy - and _I_ can wear them to church (she can't, goes to a "dressy" church)! so i'm sitting here dressed nicely and feeling pretty!

i did manage to find a few things at, too, so i'm feeling pretty well fixed (except of course for bras, but i'm never satisfied in that department. maybe if i got implants i would be...).

bad things are still out there, including arms that tingle and hurt and wake me up at night and the OB makes me come in for (later today), and pounding, fast heart at bedtime, but i'm focusing on GOOD THINGS today!

Monday, February 12, 2007

why underwear is important

Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle.

From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Walmart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot.

The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underwear turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place.

On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband, who was standing idly by.

The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.

and y'all thought i was going to be griping about MY undies again!

ps - thanks to KG for the joke!

Friday, February 09, 2007

Friday Fave Five

stewbert does this and it seemed like a great idea, but i'm not sure i can come up with "fave five." doesn't hurt to try, tho; here goes.

1. I'm grateful for DH.

A. he's been "on session" at church for a year now, and it's amazing how it's changed him. i just talked with him about #1 son's ADHD problem, and we had the BEST conversation about what steps to take (get him evaluated), what to discuss, how to present it to him, how it's affecting him. it was amazing!

B. he's also been SUPER nice this time i'm pregnant. it's a totally different experience with a DH who doesn't send off "you lazy thing, this is all your fault" vibes. i credit his faith and growth with this, too. he's picked up all the slack i've left him (with first-trimester coma followed by two months of nasty colds, sinus infections, strep, and ear infections!).

2. I'm so glad i never have to do this again (see above for reasons)! I LOVE my babies and i'm thrilled to get another one - even more so that it's a girl. and i'm glad i get to hang up my fertility and feel finished and fulfilled after this pregnancy is over.

3. My job. i'druther be a SAHM, but if i have to work (and i do), it's a fulfilling, challenging job, that i do from home so i'm here for my neurotic babies who can't cope without me. yeah, i'm bored and frustrated at times. but i like it mostly.

4. my neurotic babies who can't cope without me. shoot, if your kids can't be needy and let you exercise your nurturing and patience, who can? and damn, i've changed since i've had kids.

5. my big family and friends. y'all keep me from going completely bonkers with this stupid job that keeps me home all the time without human adult social interaction! electronic will just hafta do for now. we have birthdays all year, what with 6 sibs and spouses, plus 14 grandchildren after miriam pops out. so i'm always thinking of someone. *snif* and missing them, but that's life in the modern world. at least we have electronics!

i did it!


i just took an "ADHD questionnaire" on behalf of #1 son. we've wondered for some time if he has some trouble with this.

he scored 28 - "very severe ADHD behaviors."

gee, are we stupid or what? we've wondered if this could be affecting him, but never thought he really had it. well, DH was certain he didn't (when did he get HIS psych degree?), and i wondered, repeatedly, but didn't want to fight about it.

time to get down and nasty, i guess.

here's the link to the questionnaire:

now i'll see if MY symptoms apply!

addendum: mine were in the "mild" category; may not be due to ADHD. of course, if you checked ANY boxes, you got mild. so i'm pretty comfortable with my current psychiatric state!

some days it just doesn't pay to chew through the leather straps.

addendum 2: appointment scheduled for 3/1/07 - will keep posted at this space!

Thursday, February 08, 2007

i love thursdays

it's almost friday, you can taste the weekend. (of course, i work half a day saturday to get my hours in for the week, but it's still the weekend!)

my newspaper puts in all the fun stuff on thursday (news of the weird, lipstick mystic, advice goddess). it's the light at the end of the tunnel!

thursday is almost better than friday around here. of course, thursday "the 12th" is always worse than friday "the 13th" for me. does this show a trend?


i have a black computer keyboard, with half the letters rubbed off due to my extreme typing speed and hours spent. i also have a silver sharpie. i finally got the two together two days ago and wrote the letters back on.

isn't sharpie supposed to last forever????? cuz the letters are GONE again. except X - i guess it takes a little longer. maybe i should mark all of the keys "X"!

it's a pain b/c all of the keys on the bottom are barely there. i have a Z, a B, and a question mark, and a fragment of a comma. if i'm editing and trying to insert punctuation with my left hand while i arrow around with my right, i end up with M's all over the place instead of commas.

perhaps a new keyboard? right after i get enough maternity clothes i don't have to do the wash every other day.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

joke du jour 2/7


1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work Boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with several empty beer cans, a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine, and several NRA magazines.

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads: Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim: I went to the Gun shop for more ammunition, back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls -- they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it, but it was hard to tell from all the blood.

PS - I locked all four of 'em in the house.

Better wait outside.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

i love my sister

i love both my sisters, and refer to my sisters-in-law most often as sisters, but today i love my older sister best, and i'll tell you why.

you may recall i phoned her sat. crying about not being able to find anything to wear. she promised to send me what she had from her last pregnancy.

my dear sister called me yesterday morning, despite being terribly sick with a nasty sinus infection. she'd already boxed up the clothes, and needed to confirm my zip code (since our modern life doesn't use snailmail addresses most of the time!). then she called back yesterday p.m. to tell me she'd been too sick to get to the post office, apologized, and promised to get it out today. what a woman!

if it were me, i'd still be thinking about getting my slack-ass (term thanks to my new fave, jill: up to look at the clothes, and wondering where i'd find a box. i'd probably just run on down to the UPS store with a bag full of stuff. they keep track of my life for me - you can go in with three bags of stuff, and they'll package it and ship it and have the addresses on file the next time you go. i love the UPS store. it's too damn expensive, but i don't care. (i've no idea why that tag is so long!)

anyway, i had to write a tribute to big sister, who loves me. hormonal women need to get their love where they can!

Monday, February 05, 2007

the bra rants continue

I had to go to the mall to get bras. you may recall, i hate going to the mall; it has been two years since i went.

"motherhood" has bras. you have to spend good money on bras. otherwise the floobies hurt like heck all the time.

they don't, however, have ANYTHING ELSE in plus sizes. they claim Sears carries their line in plus sizes. so i returned to the mall (!!!) to go to Sears Saturday.

Sears may carry the stuff, but they don't HAVE any. returned to motherhood to do the hormonal bitch thing. they say, they carry it, but not very much, and it sells through really fast.

my reply: "Do I LOOK like I have time to haunt Sears every five minutes to catch the plus-size clothes before they sell through?" Don't be sending hormonal women to Sears when you KNOW they're unlikely to have anything when they get there!

then i cried all the way to "once upon a child." where i found a shirt to cover my belly, with the skirt i bought last week, so i had something to wear to church. (hadn't been in a month, only partly b/c i had NOTHING TO WEAR!)

my dear sister is mailing me HER ugly maternity clothes so i can look awful but be covered. (her description) and i CAN get stuff online - but i don't have $$ to spend, or time to wait, to get SOMETHING on my belly. GR.

working on names

as soon as you tell people you're PG, they ask if you know the gender. (see separate rant on phrasing this wrong!) the second question is "have you thought of any names?"

well, no. you see, i thought i'd leave the birth certificate blank, and let the baby be known as "baby erdosy" throughout its life. or now that we do know, "baby girl erdosy." sheesh.

the problem with sharing names is that nobody ever likes your names. so they either have to lie, or offend you. mostly they choose the latter. and i'm equally guilty of telling people their names are terrible and they will doom their child for life to being a nose-picking bullied geek. (remember I-lish? sister LOVED that name)

so, here, we're thinking, we're arguing, and DH is caving as usual. JUST KIDDING! Tyler's name would have been emma rose, were he a girl, but i can't reuse a name. the day we found out, MIRIAM popped into my head. i don't think DH likes it a bit, but she can be Mirry or Mimi and it's pretty. plus a friend said she thinks it's a bit fey, where i was just associating it with old testament, and that makes me like it all the more! (i'm a pixie inside)

DH proposed BRIANNA, then realized he'd pulled it straight out of the Outlander books ( being as they're my fave of all time (maybe more than Harry Potter!), i'm perfectly at peace with this. but i like miriam better. #1 son was almost Brian, and i don't dislike the name.

with either of those, Angela would be the middle name. #1 son has been lobbying for a baby sister he can name Angel for YEARS.

we've also talked about Erica, and Katelen, and they're not off the list, either. we take a short list to the hospital. so now you know.

thanks a lot, alana

You're The Dictionary!

by Merriam-Webster

You're one of those know-it-all types, with an amazing amount of
knowledge at your command. People really enjoy spending time with you in very short
spurts, but hanging out with you for a long time tends to bore them. When folks
really need an authority to refer to, however, you're the one they seek. You're an
exceptional speller and very well organized.

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Saturday, February 03, 2007

alana put me in the mood...


I don't how many of you shop at Sam's Club or Costco, but this may be useful to know. I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. This happened to me and it could happen to you!!

Here's how the scam works: Two seriously good-looking 23-year-old well-built guys come over to your car as you are packing your shopping in the trunk. They both are shirtless and start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their highly-defined chest muscles and rock-hard abs exposed. It's impossible not to look.

When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to another Sam's Club or Costco. You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start talking dirty about what they want to do to you. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and begins kissing your neck and begs you to pull over so he can make love to you!!

While this is going on the other guy steals your purse!!

I had my purse stolen last Tuesday, Wednesday, twice on Thursday, again on Saturday, and also yesterday and most likely tomorrow.

I'm running out of purses....

(thanks to stu's friend kip!)

Friday, February 02, 2007

quote for the day

in the comics section today, almost good enough to rival my Brenda Ueland quote (see yellow under Q below) as "fave":

"Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through the snow." --Jeff Valdez.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

february ABC poll

it's Feb. 1st and i'm 17w5d. got a new poll - kinda fun!

A - available or taken: taken
B - best friend: Alana always, Jessica, Sue
C - cake or pie: yes please!
D - drink of choice: mimosa - or OJ and ginger ale, lately
E - essential item you use everyday: just one? ok, deodorant
F - favorite color: today, pink
G - gummy bears or worms: worms
H - hometown: American Fork, Utah, lived there the longest
I - indulgence: McDonald's fries! mmm... now i need some!
J - January or February: February. we've adapted to the new year and work has picked up
K - kid's names: Gabriel Douglas, Tyler Garrett, and working on #3... DH thinks we can use the girl's name we picked for Tyler, but i can't. katelen? or miriam/mimi?
L - life incomplete without: family and friends
M - marriage date: April 29, 1995
N - number of siblings: there are six of us; i'm second, one older and one younger sister, 3 younger brothers
O - oranges or apples: apples today
P - phobias or fears: Spiders; used to be needles, too, until i had babies. epidurals cure that!
Q - favorite quote: "If I Did Not Wear Torn Pants, Orthopedic Shoes, Frantic Disheveled Hair; That Is To Say, If I Did Not Tone Down My Beauty, People Would Go Mad. Married Men Would Run Amuck." -Brenda Ueland
R - reason to smile: cute kids
S - season: spring! comes early in NC, i love it!
T - tag 3 people: stewbert, anyone else who stops by!
U - unknown fact about me: see 7 weird things below
V - veggie I don't like: hm... red/bell peppers
W - worst habit: sharing TMI
X - rays: many
Y - your favorite food: Cheese is a great answer!
Z - zodiac: Pisces - but i hate water