Thursday, September 27, 2007

wild hair

so, i got a wild hair up my butt. grabbed my good scissors and whacked my hair.

it had gotten really long, but it was stringy at the ends, damaged, and falling out postpartum. so i whacked off a good 6-8 inches, but it's still below my shoulders. i actually like it. did a good job, except the center of the back comes to a point; someone else will have to trim that. may run next door after the bus gets here...

i pulled it forward over each shoulder and lopped it off even, so it would curve in the back. then i pulled small chunks out and gave it some texture, chin length and longer. it's about as long as jennifer garner wears hers (see 13 going on 30). and it feels so much healthier!

i think i managed to do this without leaving any major holes, too. i've done this about two other times in my life; both times i was majorly depressed/stressed, and wasn't happy with the results. this time i planned, instead of reacting. and i'm happy! i just couldn't find time to go get it done, so i did it myself!

Friday, September 21, 2007

oh hell

LaLa has been growing, sleeping all day to do it. finally slowed down her feeding to every three hours all day, so i've gotten a nice break where i could get something done - not BFing constantly and she's asleep to boot!

today, she's hungry again. it was fun while it lasted... two whole days with less than constant demands. *sigh*

Thursday, September 20, 2007

his eyes will never be the same

last night, #1 son came into my bedroom (through the closed door) without knocking, exactly 10 seconds too late to scar him for life, but too soon to prevent seeing some nudity he'd rather not have seen.

it was bound to happen eventually. and that's what i told him. i also recommended knocking on the door if shut.

haven't bitched DH out yet, but have been nagging for FIVE YEARS for him to switch the bedroom doorknob (on which the lock doesn't work) with the bathroom doorknob from the master bath (which lock DOES work). instead, he placed a doorstop in the doorjamb (which apparently did NOT work, either), and proceeded to give me a massage.

repercussions? well, i threw my clothes on (remember, it was after the important stuff), and went to the boy. "you couldn't sleep?" "no." "and now you never will again!" (see subheader, i.e., inappropriate sense of humor.)

the child didn't freak out (and this is the one who does NOT want to know the facts of life, determined not to know), but he definitely won't come in without knocking any time soon!

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

odd little bits

4th-grade humor:

If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?


and a couple special ones from Eddie Izzard:

-There's two positions in snowboarding. One is looking cool and the other is DEAD!

-There was Pope John if you remember, now there is Pope John Paul. The next Pope's gonna be John Paul George and we can see where they're going.

something right

you know you're doing something right when your child - who "doesn't like to sing" - comes home from church singing the hymns. seeing your kids happy is one of the great joys of life!

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

going organic

but first, a rant. b/c you love me.

it all started with Quaker and Sam's. i get hooked on a breakfast cereal and eat it daily for literally YEARS before i change. i was on Special K vanilla almond for the last several years. after baby, i bought some Quaker granola. sam's carries it in big boxes. or i should say, USED to carry it. last week when i went to get it, really anticipating it, there was none.

i was so damn mad. it's crunchy and sweet and virtuous all at the same time. there are days when i eat it for lunch, too. i honestly was so mad i'm about ready to quit sam's. except their squishy chickens are the best in the biz.

so i went home and went to, where my family keeps in touch. it works fabu for us - everybody is as close as a click, even the brother who lives in Japan. honestly, i hear from him as well as i did when he lived 5 miles from me. my mother had posted recipes for granola that SHE used to make when i was a kid, as well as my grandmother's recipe (dad's mom), that we had when we went to her house (rarely, long trip, broke family).

the ingredients are mostly mass-market, except "rolled wheat." couldn't find it at the supermarket. asked mom (via myfamily) where to get it, and she said the health food store, dummy.

so i took a trip to Whole Foods. this is an awesome store! their prices for organics are often less than the supermarket's for chemicals and preservatives. grains available in bulk, 69c/pound. bought up a bunch of grains for my granola and went home to try it out, see if it was worth making my own. also picked up some organic milk, as it was cheaper than supermarket and only a little more than sam's.

making granola is seriously about the easiest recipe i've ever made. you stir up your grains (oats, wheat flakes, wheat bran, wheat germ, etc.), heat up your liquids (oil, honey, water, brown sugar, vanilla, salt) to dissolve the sugar, combine the two, and bake in the oven. they stir together easily, not like some stiff doughs. cleanup is a breeze. it's a bit messy b/c you have to stir on the cookie sheets multiple times. but i have homemade, organic granola, at minimal effort.

the best part is, i'll be saving tons on metamucil! all that bran is impossible to resist!

DH is thrilled about the idea of drinking organic milk all the time, so i may be saying sayonara to sam's most of the time. fewer hormones in our lives can only be a good thing, right?

i still shave my armpits, though.

Monday, September 17, 2007

a great big weird survey

1-The phone rings. Who do you want it to be? Lana said Ed McMahon, and i gotta stick with that answer.

2-When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart? no, i make my 10-year-old do it!

3-In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener? talker

4-Do you take compliments well? no, but i give them liberally

5-Do you play Sudoku? i particularly like the A-Z ones (25 across by 25 down). little bit obsessive...

6-If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive? it's a lot more likely now than it was a few months ago.

7-Do you like nipple rings? no, they freak me something fierce

8-Did you ever go to camp as a kid? went to school camp, Clear Creek, loved it except for the coming home part. generally love camping any time they have TOILETS. will not squat over a trench for anyone.

9-What was your favorite game as a kid? Monopoly

10-Could you date someone with different religious beliefs than you? that's about all the dates i ever had... DH and i started in the same place (none), and have reached the same place regarding faith now, so it's all worked out.

11-Do you like to pursue or be pursued? i like to be pursued, but my nature is to pursue.

12-Do any songs make you cry? where were you when the world stopped turning?

13-Are you continuing your education? trying damn hard!

14-Do you know how to shoot a gun? innit like a camera? point and shoot?

15-If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you grab? kids, purse, keys - don't hafta grab hard drive like alana, b/c i bought a fire safe and stick backups of my photos in there.

16-Do you think more about the past, present or future? mostly present; too busy to think about other stuff!

17-Favorite children's book? Princess Picky.

18-What color are your eyes? green

19-How tall are you? 5-5

20-Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth? yes

21-Where was the furthest place you traveled today? ooo, i went to the grocery store around the corner - my exciting life.

22-Do you like mustard? just a little bit

23-Do you look like your mom or dad? mom, but dad's eyes (hopefully just appearance, not function; he's blind beyond joking)

24-How long does it take you in the shower? 15-20 minutes

25-Can you do splits? never could

26-What movie do you want to see right now? Bourne

27-What did you do for New Year's? don't remember... not much, i was PG.

28-Do you think The Grudge was scary? didn't see it

29-Do you own a camera phone? no, and no desire to

30-Was your mom a cheerleader? no

31-What's the last letter of your middle name? e

32-How many hours of sleep do you get a night? 6-8, but i nap on 6 days

33-Do you like care bears? um, no

34-What do you buy at the movies? tickets

35-Do you know how to play poker? yup, love it!

36-Do you wear your seatbelt? it became a law the year i got my license, so i never went without it

37-What do you wear to sleep? whatever i have on

38-Is your tongue pierced? yuck - did a speech on how hazardous that is in college a couple of years ago, at my last failed attempt to finish my degree.

39-Do you like Liver and Onion? i used to LOVE them but rarely eat them after taking anatomy and learning how the liver works. eeewwwww.

40-Are you in love? i fell in love again this June, you should try it!

41-Do you like funny or serious people better? oh, funny, definitely - the ones who think i'm funny are the MOST fun!

42-Ever been to L.A.? hadta visit Alana there

43-Do you steal or pay for your music downloads? no, i don't download

44-What do you and your parents fight about the most? religion and politics if i dare bring them up - mostly i pretend they don't exist and we're all happier.

45-Are you a gullible person? i prefer to be gullible to cynical, but i can't always choose.

46-Do you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy?
um, the last time i didn't have one i was 20. i like to think i'm mature and balanced enough to be happy without a SO.

47-If you could have any job (assuming you have the skills) what would it be? B&B owner - it's a great fantasy, doubt i'd really like it.

48-Are you easy to get along with? _I_ think so. _I_ get along GREAT with me!

49-What is your favorite time of day? mornings - time for granola!

50-Would you rather sleep alone or with someone? SLEEP - alone.

51-Would you give up the one you love/care for the most to become immortal? stupid question - what kind of life would it be hating yourself for your choice?

52-What animal are you most like? a human

53-What kind of tea do you like the most? peppermint

54-Do you laugh at peoples' stupidity? yes

55-Do you feel guilty for doing so after you're done laughing? only if they caught me

Thursday, September 13, 2007


Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain = Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: You're not listening... . Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable. It's the best feel-good food around!!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. And remember:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand, chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, "WOO HOO, What a Ride!"

Monday, September 10, 2007

happier now

cute kid stories!

we watched Chicago last night. LaLa has discovered musicals, and the boys have seen it before so aren't scandalized by its reprobate nature.

at bedtime, i was still singing "the gun, the gun, the gun, the gun, oh yes, they both reached for the gun, for the gun." Tyler (#2 son) says "That's the problem with Chicago; it's got so many great songs, you can't get them out of your head." He's right! however, i'm thrilled they've supplanted the songs that WERE running through my head... [you're just jealous b/c the voices only talk to ME!]

and LaLa has this adorable habit. you burp her, and after she burps, she plants her pointy chin on your shoulder and swings her head back and forth rapidly. she's a bobble-head! especially to music.

i've got her hooked on 7 Brides for 7 Brothers already! #1 son's first favorite movie, he named his kitten Milly.

more exciting topics

are boobies more exciting than baby farts?

i have been accused previously of being obsessed with breasts. i disagree, but this will serve as further evidence for the person who so accused me!

i'm in PAIN!!! LaLa likes to have growth spurts, followed by seemingly-drugged sleep days. and on the days she ISN'T nursing every 1.5 to 2 hours, i'm producing that level of milk, and have the tatas from hell!

rant will have to wait - the leech is waking and i can relieve some pressure NOW!

Saturday, September 08, 2007


i hate to admit it, but LaLa is sleeping through the night. consistently. i wake up at 6:30 to the sounds of her sucking her thumb and grunting, and go feed her. then she sleeps some more.

very very quiet cheering sounds going on! what a gal!

Friday, September 07, 2007

open letter to Always manufacturer

This is an open letter written to the branch manager of Proctor and Gamble:

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core* or Dri-Weave* absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my panties.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now... As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills."

Isn't the human body amazing? As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women.

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in capri pants. Which brings me to the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: *"Have a Happy Period."*

Are you !@#$!@#$ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness *actual smiling, laughing happiness* is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James?

FYI, Unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and KahlĂșa and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreens armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man. If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong"? or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your accounting department that, effective immediately,there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending Bullcrap. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.


Wendi Aarons
Austin, TX


everyone's a critic.

today's topic is the last thing i did WITHOUT a baby. also the first thing since she was born, other than a couple of quick grocery trips. (with a big fat pppppbbbbtttt to Alana. because i love her.)

i took the boys to see Shrek 3 at the $2 theater without the baby. because loud noises bother her, and all movies have loud noises these days. she did fine in Harry Potter 5 at age 4 weeks, but didn't do well at all in Spider-Man 3 shortly thereafter. too many loud noises.

so- here's the part without a baby. :D i checked the times and took the kids to the 4:30 show. we got there at 4:15 and bought popcorn, checked out all the quarters in the cash drawer to try to complete our collection, pre-emptive strike at the bathroom, all the good stuff. went into the theater to see - the middle of the movie. it started at 4:00.

fortunately, Da Boyz had seen this as a new movie with their auntie when i was incapacitated, so it wasn't the end of the world. slightly upsetting for mommy to realize just how decayed her brain had gotten, but a survivable screw-up, anyway.

even without seeing the beginning (which all the previews presumably gave away anyway), it was an enjoyable movie.

here's the part about critics. Critics go to movies to - surprise! - critique them. comment about what was wrong with them, in other words; rarely about something right with them if they just can't help themselves. WE go to movies to HAVE FUN. this is why i ignore most critics' ratings. if it's low humor, it's getting a D at best, and i'm gonna enjoy it anyway. if it's something i expect to get a B and it flunks, yeah, i'll probably avoid it until i hear word-of-mouth.

the critics had NOTHING nice to say about Shrek 3; overplayed, under-original, been-there done-that feel to it, nothing funny about it.

they were wrong. no, it didn't strike us as the most original thing we'd seen in ages, like the original Shrek did at times. but it did make us laugh, and it had good messages. sure, it's facile; its intended audience, after all, is CHILDREN. but we'll buy it, and we won't feel (very) guilty about it.

then i came home and laughed at baby farts some more. let's face it, if you think i'm supposed to have a more exciting life, you'd better come get me and drag me out.

and after all, there were green baby farts involved in my escape from baby-fart topics.

EDIT: after viewing this lovely post, i'm hungry for mint oreo's. wonder why? but i can't eat any more of them b/c i have NO self-control. *sigh*

Thursday, September 06, 2007

skrewt update

LaLa is quite the BES. i went in to check on her yesterday morning and heard her blasting away. she has figured out how to toot when she needs to! her tummy muscles have matured! woohoo!

so i laughed and said "you figured out how to play your tooter!" she's a natural with a musical instrument. she's very excited that she figured out how to do this; she's practicing that concentration and tooting away!

LaLa practiced her new skill all day yesterday, went through many diapers b/c sometimes the toots are not solely gaseous. i laughed and laughed. she is so funny.

she slept 9 hours last night and has finally found her thumb. grandma taught her to take binky but she doesn't do it much for anyone else. she'd rather have a thumb, but couldn't figure out how to get it in there... she's making all kinds of funny noises, talking in her bed, while i'm working. grunts and clicks, and coos and suckling fists. she's very happy b/c she SLEPT NINE HOURS last night! and thus so am i!