Monday, April 30, 2007

jokes jokes

this blog is getting far too boring and quiet! so jokes are in order!

so - obnoxious or just silly is the question? you decide.

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.

"Officer," the man began, "I can explain."

"No explanation needed!" snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."

"But, officer, I have to tell you something," the man tried again.

"Just keep quiet! You're going to jail and I'm not interested in what you have to say!" barked the officer.

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."

"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."

John: Brad, will you get the phone?

Brad: (Sound of frantically clattering keyboard.) I can't! I'm playing Omega!

John: Amber, will you get the phone?

Amber: I can't! I'm late for work! (Sound of slamming door.)

John: Aimee, will you get the phone?

Aimee: (Sound of running water.) I can't! I'm in the shower!

John: Glenn, will you get the -- (disgusted) Ah, Glenn's in Denver. Please leave a message.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

slut for a survey

hehehe - i love alana's headers!

1. Sex is best in the morning, afternoon, or night? anytime is party time, but prefer evening
2. What side of the bed do you sleep on? right
3. Pork, Beef, or Chicken? um, depends on the mood, but pork does add all those yummy nitrates...
4. Have you ever had to pull over on the side of the road to puke? no. just hurled down the side of BF's '69 Camaro! he threw me in the shower and went outside to take care of his baby. and he did marry me later, surprise!
5. What leg do you put in pants first when putting them on? left. didn't have to check as it has been difficult lately and i'm quite aware of getting into my pants!
6. Candles or Incense? candles
7. Do you dance when no one is watching? of course.
8. Did you play doctor when you were little? is THAT what you call it?
9. Have you ever taken your clothes off for money? *sigh* no. i never got paid.
10. Stove top cooking or microwave? stupid question. don't care enough to answer it.
11. Would you rather want your car or your house be dirty? car
12. Shower or bath? rare baths, daily showers ... unless i'm a grumpy PG and choose to stay smelly...
13. Do you pee in the shower? only if i can't wait.
14. Mexican or Chinese food? usually Chinese.
15. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed? aggressive, all the way!
16. Do you own sex toys? no, but always wanted some.
17. Corn Dogs or Hot Dogs? both.
18. Your favorite restaurant? Olive Garden, i think.
19. What did you have for lunch today? it's 8 a.m.; nothing yet! yesterday i had leftovers and an apple.
20. Which do you prefer, iceberg or romaine lettuce? romaine, since iceberg repeats on me now.
21. When did you last fall down? can't remember - have been VERY careful of late.
22. Have you ever wished someone were dead? if you know how i grew up, you know who i wished dead on a daily basis until i moved out.
23. Love or Money? got love, working on money. ;)
24. Credit Cards or cash? living on a cash basis ain't easy, but we're doin' it!
25. Has there ever been anyone in your family you wish wasn't? see #22. otherwise, mostly i wish they'd quit being neurotic, but not kicked out, cuz i still luv 'em! ooo, forgot ex-brother-in-law, whom i truly felt wasn't worthy of his SKIN, let alone my family! otherwise see above.
26. Oreos or Vanilla Wafers? Oreos - fudge stuft! generally only eat nilla wafers when i bought them for kids and they're the last cookies in the house...

27. How do you like your steak cooked? medium
28. How do you like your eggs cooked? scrambled
29. Have you ever knocked someone off their feet in fight? possibly, used to "fight" with younger family members too much.
30. Would you rather go camping or to a 5 star hotel? take me to the Ritz Paris, please! As Alana said, i'druther stay at a motel 6 than camp.
31. Would you rather have a root canal or minor surgery? never had a root canal, have had local procedures i'd definitely opt for.
32. Would you shave your entire body (including your head)? probably not. i'm worried about what my bald head would look like.
33. Would you rather have lice or an STD? NEITHER! gross! curable STD over lice, lice over incurable (i.e. herpes or worse).
34. What is your favorite hard candy? werther's.
35. Ever been to a strip club? went on ladies night, swung my bra around, it was fun, but limp, if YKWIM.
36.Ever been to a bar? another stupid question that merits not a reply!
37. Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club? no
38. Ever been so drunk you had to be carried out of somewhere? no, i'd just crash where i was!
39. Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex? Looney. *snif*
40. Thrown up from drinking too much? sadly, yes. the best time was the first time!
41. Have you ever kissed a stranger? well, that's a sadly, yes, too.
42. Does anyone have naughty pics of you? i think they were destroyed. damn, now i'm going to have to check all my boxes again!

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

date night

yes, shocking! it had been 6 months, so i figured we were due. set it up and forced DH out of the house w/o his boys. (bwa-hahahaha!)

we went to Olive Garden b/c _I_ had set things up, so i decided i got to choose, too.

and we picked PROM night to go out. so the wait was quoted at 35 minutes but was closer to an hour. i knew if we went to O.G. we'd wait, so i was OK with that. guilted some folks into giving me a seat. and watched the fashion show! it was actually pretty fun!

there were gorgeous dresses, gorgeous bodies, some together, some not. there were a couple of girls i must assume were sisters, next to each other and their dates, who were ginormous and their dresses were poorly fitting. felt bad for them. everyone should feel pretty on prom night! (well over 300 lb. each, ginormous!)

and there were the truly gorgeous creatures who were clinging to their homeboy dates - ball caps and checkered ties, sneakers to boot! go figure.

had fun people-watching, had a wonderful dinner (except i couldn't have a bellini). waitress dumped a glass of tea on our table so we got free dessert! then we rented some movies and went home.

which movies, you ask? the devil wears prada, the pursuit of happyness, and Zoom! for the boys. haven't seen happyness yet, but prada was lotsa fun! gabe really enjoyed it.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

addendum to fave movies

i think my fave movie of all time is probably 7 brides for 7 brothers. it was Gabe's first fave, and we watched it so much i would get nauseous when he put it on. wore out VHS, now own 50th anniversary DVD; cried when Howard Keel died shortly after it came out. Gabe even named his kitty Milly.

what do i watch when i'm sick of that? lately, Guys and Dolls. then we rotate through nanny movies (Mary Poppins, Sound of Music, Nanny McFee) and into any fairy tales nearby (Ella Enchanted, Shrek).

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

best part of the story...

(the story posted below)

the painful contractions took me by surprise. i was lying in bed gasping, and #1 son was right there. he said "I wish we could trade places, mom." just the sweetest thing i ever heard! and as i was getting verklempt, he added, "except i don't have a uterus." so then i would have been ROLLING with laughter, if i could roll anymore... (told him if we traded places we'd trade bodies, too.)

Saturday, April 14, 2007


well, i phoned the OB like a good mommy yesterday. they made me come in to check if the contractions were having any effect; i.e., dilation. since i was due for an ultrasound next week, they did the ultrasound anyway.

baby is healthy, the placenta is no longer blocking the cervix (no more placenta previa, no more pelvic rest, woohoo!), and the cervix is closed.

ambien will help me not to have those contractions, relieve my stress, and help me sleep. so this is our plan. i'm going to take it easier, breathe more, not try so hard to do all need to (though my "best" was failing miserably at that), and take a little pill before bed to help me calm down.

any questions?

Friday, April 13, 2007


warning: TMI post! (if you're reading my blog regularly, that shouldn't bother you!)

the last two nights, i've had Braxton-Hicks contractions so strong they were painful. more than four of this sort in an hour, back pain, SCARY!

consulted "What to Expect When You're Expecting;" any of those factors are enough to wake up the OB for. you do try not to do that, so i waited to see if they would settle down.

last night was much worse than the previous, and i kept thinking it was digestive pains. eventually did have some big D. this can CAUSE contractions, and it can accompany labor; so which was the cause and which the effect?

i've been running like a nutter this week; finally had some positive cash flow and did my best to eliminate it at Target, Sam's, and Lowe's Foods. along with haircuts and a orthodontist appointment. in three days - you wouldn't think that would be too much.

apparently, when it's accompanied by the long days i've been keeping, it's too much. *sigh* i'm phoning the OB later, but i expect i should slow down and take it easy for a couple of days, see if it helps. have an appointment next week for glucose test, ultrasound, and regular exam.

further bulletins as events warrant!

Thursday, April 12, 2007

70 things about me you probably don't care about

stolen from Alana, cuz i liked her header...

1. What are your initials? JAE.
2. What is your favorite thing to wear? funky hair scrunchies, they make me feel pretty and witty and bright!
3. Last thing you ate? Special K vanilla almond

hey alana, where's #4?
5. I say Shotgun, you say? duck!
6. Last person you hugged? Tyler. he wanted to read the comix over my shoulder so he came and nuzzled up to me. i'm not proud, i'll take 'em however i can get 'em!

hey alana, where's #7?
8. How many U.S states have you been to? LFIno. or care.
9. How many of the U.S states have you lived in? hm. arizona, virginia, utah, california, pennsylvania, and north carolina. you do the math.
10. Does anyone you know wanna date you? DH if i let him.
11. Name something you like physically about yourself. my hands.
hey alana, where's #12?
13. Who is your best friend? i have no life and thus few friends. sometimes mom, sometimes jessica, sometimes alana, sometimes sue. but that's about the whole list anyway.
14.Why are you still up? b/c i'm sposta be working.
15. Who/What made you angry today? the idiots i type reports on. one today drank alcohol and rode his motorcycle and crashed himself up. or the chick who goes to the hospital ER and decides she knows better than the docs there and takes off her oxygen b/c she doesn't really think it's helping - even though she feels better. steams my tamales!
16. Favorite type of Food? i'm pregnant. EVERYTHING sounds good. right now i want an apple fritter.
17. Favorite holidays? they're just too much damn work.
18. Do you download music? don't know how, don't care
19. Do you care if your socks are dirty? i rarely wear socks, so i don't have to worry about that.
hey alana, where's #20?
21. Would you date the person who posted this? oh sure. alana's a hotty.
22. Has anyone ever sang or played for you personally? my mommy.
23. Do you love anyone? i'd be pretty pathetic if i said no! i give out a lot of love, and i get a lot back. i'm a lucky goyle.
24. Do you like Bush? rather the opposite.
25. Have you ever bungee jumped? no, and i won't, but i would like to go sky-diving. if i ever lose enough weight that i won't crush my instructor.
26. Have you ever gone white-water rafting? No, but i've gone on the Green River in the baby rapids (literally, took two 6-year-old's along). fell in. about my speed. it was gorgeous.
27. Has anyone ten years older than you ever hit on you? DH is 10 years old than me, so i ONLY get antique love. :D
28. How much money ya got in ya pocket? i'm wearing jammies; no pockets. in my wallet, $20; got it out yesterday.
29. Have you met a real redneck? i live in North Carolina. nuf sed.
30. How is the weather right now? sunny and bright, birds singing; could be warmer, but it will happen soon enough.
31. What are you listening to right now? ER doctors telling me stories to make me annoyed!
32. What is your current fav song? um, Bach?
33. What was the last movie you watched? Harry Potter #1 on video.
34. Do you wear contacts? Not anymore, had LASIK!
35. Where was the last place you went besides your house? the orthodontist; i'm a mommy chauffeur.
36. What are you afraid of? not much after babies. spiders, things happening to my babies, my babies KILLING spiders even freaks me out.
37. How many piercings have you had? 5 - all ears. or 7 or 9, depending on how you count.
38. How many pets do you have? two cats
39. What's one thing you've learned this year? trying to change men is a waste of time; it doesn't work and it annoys the men.
40. What do you usually order from Starbucks? don't think i've EVER been in one. some hazelnut coffee, but i doubt i could figure out how, i understand it's complicated.

hey alana, where's #41?
42. Have you ever fired a gun? an air gun with a cork in it at the shore...
43. Are you missing someone? this demands a smart answer, but i can't think of one just now. (see #56)
44. Fav. TV show? i don't watch TV. if i did, i'd watch Dancing with the Stars; i watched last season and drooled over Emmitt Smith plenty, mhm!
45. Do you have an iPod? no, don't want one.
46. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celeb? Molly Ringwald when I was young; i hated it b/c i didn't think she looked very pretty. hated the lips.
48. Who would you like to see right now? my mommy. my Japanese niece Chura. my mini-me niece Brookelynn. i could go on but do you want to see a pregnant lady cry?
49. Favorite movie of all time? off the top of the head, Princess Bride. i'll come up with a dozen others later.
50. Do you find yourself loved? see #whatever (23)
51. Have you ever been caught doing something you weren't supposed to? hahahahahahaha. i think i'll plead the 5th.
52. Favorite flower? morning glories.
53. Butter, plain, or salted popcorn? homestyle, butter and salt.
54. What Magazines are you reading? EW, Life and Style, People
hey alana, where's #55?
56. Has anyone you were really close to passed away recently? nope. lost grandma 12 years ago, almost, and that's about it.
hey alana, where's #57?
58. What's something that really bugs you? didn't i answer this question already? this is getting OLD; even _I_ don't care about my answers!
hey alana, where's #59?
60. Do you like Michael Jackson? he was so hot in his Thriller days. he's just a zombie now. i like the Mike i remember.
61. What's your favorite smell? don't have a fave. maybe hazelnut coffee.
62. Favorite baseball team? Phillies!
63. Favorite cereal? Special K vanilla almond; i've been eating them every day for over a year, so i'd BETTER like them!
hey alana, where's #64? (it's a good thing these are all missing, this is TOO LONG!)
65. What's the longest time you've gone without sleep? LFIno
66. Last time you went bowling? LFIno
67. Where is the weirdest place you have slept? at various parties.
68. Who was your last phone call? carol, i think; she bought me a crib!
69. Last time you were at work? before i started this LONG quiz!
70. What's the closest orange object to you? wrapper on a Nature Valley Sweet & Salty Nut bar. excuse me, i'm gonna go eat it.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

another reason

to hate modern fashion!

i have an angel, a senior in high school, who is helping clean and organize my house so i can put it on the market. she's sweet and works very hard.

she was telling me her brother grabbed her "muffin top" so hard she thought he was going to rip it off. my reply was "what's a muffin top?" it's a much cuter way to refer to one's love handles than the latter term, almost an affectionate term.

i was talking to SIL later about this, and said, what's up with ALL the girls having this lately? are they all just turning into apple shapes, not pears? i've never had as much trouble with my middle as my butt and hips, b/c i'm a pear. this is a trend i've noticed over several years.

and SIL said she'd wondered the same thing, but finally figured out...

it's the super tight, low-slung jeans, that shove any excess up above the waist and make the "muffin top." fashion makes us look worse than we already did! argh!

well, we can't all have halle berry's figure. so we shouldn't wear her clothes! but just TRY to buy jeans that aren't cut like that.

anyway... that's my rant for the day.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

the new job

DH started the new job, and i barely have time to think! he's gone from 7 am to 7 pm every day. so i'm getting kids off to school, working all day, helping with homework, fixing dinner, then getting a break when he arrives and spends time with them. in which i either crash or try to accomplish something - neither of which lends itself to being entertaining or inappropriate!

baby had a growth spurt and i'm huge. just a couple of weeks ago i was barely pregnant! and there are about a million and one things to do so we can move, which i'm constantly working on.

i promise i'll be back to me again soon - be patient! it may take a few months to get a life back to "normal"ish, but i'll be me again.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

my new fave quote

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.

Monday, April 02, 2007

more allergy stuf

#2 son has managed to convert to a cold. zyrtec isn't really helping much; claritin didn't either.

he's 7, and he's never learned to blow his nose. it makes him gag, so that's kind of logical; if it makes you gag, don't do it. well, he had such a runny face yesterday we made him figure it out. so now he dabs every time he feels wet.

and throws the tissue away.

he went through an entire box (and more), FAMILY sized, of puffs plus yesterday. good thing i stocked up when _I_ stopped using them full-time.