so long grandma

my dad's mom passed yesterday. this is actually good news; she was very sick, and tired of being here. her DH left her 4 or 5 years ago, and she's been lonely and failing all this time.

she was a great grandma for little kids. when i ran off and got married at 18, she was all for it, right up until she found out he wasn't Mormon and it wasn't a temple wedding. and i found out later she laid into my mom and told her it was all her fault. and i kinda stopped loving her as much then.

in later years, she got very grumpy and was mean a lot of the time for no good reason. and i didn't like her much then.

grandpa got the alzheimer's and they tried to stay in their own home too long. he was abusive in his age and she didn't know how to deal with it. when they moved to a "home," they lost most of their memories they had kept in their little house. i felt empathy for her then.

since grandpa left us, she's been a little old lady in a wheelchair, couldn't talk much, cried a lot when she saw people. and i cared again, but i didn't spend any time around her; partly b/c i live 3000 miles away.

i can't go to her funeral this weekend b/c of my imminent move, and i'm sorry i can't, which kinda surprised me. in the end, she was my grandma, and i loved her a lot once, so that's what i'm going to remember.