a day in the life

my company invited a submission of an essay or poem about my experience as a medical transcriptionist. this is what i came up with.

working working all day long
drinking coffee, never stopping
listening, covering ears and listening
tap-tap-tap - what was that?

hushing kids and background noises
trying to figure out foreign voices
looking up words that don't make sense
what the heck kind of instruments?

silence dragging, docs um-hum-ing
was that his right hand? or his left?
flagging errors, my nerves are strumming
medical words dancing through my dreams
wake up and start all over again

green sugar

as you can see from my links, i've been a fan of DOOCE! for some time. (thanks, alana!) reading some of her interviews today, i'm reminded more of why we blog. it's to tell the stories we'd share with our girlfriends if we weren't so isolated in our modern lives.

so here's my story. a couple of nights ago i sent #1 son (age almost 11, or almost 12 if you believe his line) downstairs after bedtime to fetch something for me. 10 minutes later he came back. i asked him what he'd been doing all that time, and he said "Nothing."

then i looked at his face and saw smears of green around his mouth. "Son," i said, "Son, what have you been eating?"

smirk. "the sugar you put on cookies at christmas." "Son, you know better." "yes, but it's SO GOOD!" with a smirk that says 'i know i should be in trouble, but i'm too cute to punish for this!'

and he was right. i laughed and said don't do it again. i was certainly guilty of worse when _I_ was 10, or 11, or whatever age the child claims today. i used to take baggies full of cereal out of the cupboard for a snack - without asking, and without telling. and at bedtime i'd take a slice of white bread and DIP it in the sugar canister. yum. my sainted mother still doesn't know about that! (i don't think she reads my blog, either.)

so yesterday, when i was lecturing the children about not lying about doing something stupid, b/c i'm gonna find out, and i'm more upset about lying than about the act, i used the green sugar story as an example.

laughing again, #1 son says, "yeah, you caught me red-handed!" and of course i had to add - "or green-faced!" and we all laughed.

as long as we're laughing i'm doing a good job.

DROWNING!

man, i have been coming way too close to living up to my blog title lately. what up with that, huh?

so chatting around about the duggers, who are freaking nuts btw, pregnant with #19 now. and found someone's comment about the russian peasant woman who bore 69 children in the 1700s:

That's not a woman, that's a uterus with legs!

ms. dugger shall hereafter be known as a uterus with legs. talk about addiction!

Happy Mother's Day!

*edit* yes, it's #18. my bad.
the Russian peasant lady did not have any single births. she had twins, triplets, and quads, and 67 of them survived childhood. talk about your Motherland!

on addiction

some time ago, i had an encounter with a homeless man which really started me thinking.

i pulled into sam's club to do my weekly shopping. i passed a homeless man on the side of the road at the entrance, with the typical signage - please help, anything is appreciated! and i had my usual thought process - i can't give him cash, he'd just spend it on booze. i'm not sure where that indoctrination came from but it's unassailable in my mind now. so i pondered for a moment, and thought "i'll get him a squishy chicken." (my darling sons named the roast chicken from sam's so b/c of its wonderfully tender and flavorful nature.)

i was so proud of myself. i actually remembered this intent through the store, bought the extra chicken, remembered to load the car with the squishy up front, even remembered when exiting sam's to go back toward the entrance to give the chicken to this gentleman.

here's where it gets interesting. feeling very virtuous, i pulled up to him and put down the window.

"Hey, how ya doing?"

'If i was any better, i wouldn't be here!' he says, with only slightly crusty attitude.

"Oops, yeah, i knew that was stupid question by the time it left my mouth. Can you use this?" and i handed him the chicken.

His whole face lit up. he took it, saying 'Bless you!' over and over. and when he lifted it from my hands, he was transformed. 'It's still warm!' he was so grateful.

i turned the car around to get out of the parking lot. i thought to regret that i had no plastic-ware to give him to facilitate eating the chicken, but remembered a wad of napkins in my purse from our last trip to the movies. i gleaned out the ones that weren't too crumpled and returned to his side.

he had already ripped into the chicken. he took the napkins, blessing me again. and i thought to say - "oh, do you want the crumpled ones, too?"

'i live in the woods, i'll take them all!'

i can have a squishy chicken any time i want, and i don't think of it as a miracle. i can go to the movies (it's infrequent with our recent financial stress, but we still do go), and get popcorn and pick up wads of napkins. i don't think of someone as a saint to share crumpled napkins so i don't have to soil my clothing.

who am i to judge and assume he's an alcoholic? there but for the grace of God go i. and i'm an addict to junk food and overeating, and cannot control myself (but i'm starting to try harder). who am i to judge and feel superior?

i've looked for this homeless man every time i go out. i wanted to bring him more food, and maybe a little more compassion and caring, and a little less self-congratulation. i wanted to touch his life. but i haven't seen him since, and i know he's touched mine.

why i don't watch the news

so my day is off to a good start. yesterday the kitchen circuit blew, and it appears to be a short in the wiring, so a nice hefty electrician bill today (hasn't come yet, but i'm certain of it). the appliances are fine, nothing is spoiling, but i can't see to cook b/c the lights are out.

get up this morning to call the electrician. my internet won't connect. i rebooted the computer, the modem, the wireless, all twice. no dice. so i went in the TV room to call the cable company. turned on the TV to check whether i had ANY cable function.

CNN scares me. they're predicting things like oil prices doubling AGAIN. how the hell will anyone be able to live? there will be riots, panic, food riots! our country is very dependent on oil for everything - products are trucked everywhere, and the cost of transportation very much affects the price of food.

so i come to the computer to look for a story i can READ about oil futures. maybe i heard CNN wrong - on the internet, they're talking about an increase from $100 to $120 a barrel on oil. still ANOTHER blow to the gut, but a smaller one, anyway.

but the internet also talks about current food shortages worldwide. if gas and food both double in cost AGAIN, society will fall apart.

i want to go buy 100 pounds of beans and rice, and go hide in my basement. you can live on beans and rice for a long time!

there are people who ENJOY hearing bad news. i'm not one of them.

did you know?...

a song that gets stuck in your head is called an earworm???

me, i have chronic earworms. this is just the latest - and funniest!

breakfast thoughts

i buy rye bread every few months for a treat. b/c obviously i LOVE it. i love rye toast with real butter. nothing like it.

only thing - i HATE CARAWAY SEEDS. almost as much as horseradish.

and i bought the wrong damn bread. so this morning for breakfast i just choked down a single slice of toast as fast as possible, and it's no damn treat! and i'm doing well to be only saying damn this morning!

*sigh* Wii will make it up to me later.

did i mention i finally found a Wii in the store? on Sunday? and it's running hot b/c it hasn't been off since? and yesterday i got EXERCISE from it? hm. how could i have neglected to do so - unless i was too busy PLAYING!

asthma and spring!

i am so freaking glad it's spring! with all of the colds we passed around all winter, my asthma got worse than it has ever been. i have asthma that is triggered by other events, and then has to be treated; i take a singulair pill every day that normally controls it completely.

#2 son and i had to go get inhalers a few weeks ago. he got 100% better very quickly - ain't it great to be young? i took it for a week before i noticed ANY improvement, and another week before i stopped feeling sick, and a THIRD week before i started feeling wellish!

the dr. said we should take these through cold season AND allergy season, and hopefully won't have asthma attacks next year.

however. now that my asthma has improved, i can sing Good Morning Baltimore without being completely out of breath! woohoo!

yikes!

DH's mom is 84, in pretty good health, but recently had a recurrent GYN cancer and has been taking radiation therapy. he planned when this came up to visit her this weekend.

so he was supposed to fly to Philadelphia yesterday morning. he got up at 3:30, got on the plane fine, got to Wilmington DE (which is where the low-cost airline flew). but they couldn't land b/c of fog; circled, considered whether it would clear, thought it would, decided it wouldn't, and CAME BACK TO GREENSBORO. we thought this is insane! why would they come all the way back HOME?

after that, DH took the refund offered and said i'm not going - he was flying home sunday morning anyway, had already put out the effort to get there, didn't feel like starting over for such a short trip.

this morning, the headline of our paper read: SKYBUS OUT OF BUSINESS. i'm so grateful DH isn't in PA! he would have had to take a bus or a train home, and would likely have missed work, and we both would have been very anxious and stressed.

sadly, we had purchased tickets for graduation (nephew graduating West Point 5/31! we're VERY proud!) through this airline; odds look like we SHOULD be able to get a refund, but we'll be driving all the way to new york now! guess the kids will miss a couple more days of school. i really had to work to get DH to agree to the trip in the first place, but the debate is over and we're still going.

there has definitely been someone watching over us this weekend! hoping that will continue for our other trip and, of course, all of our days.

deeper still

we had a sad event in March. Milly, our beloved kitty of 9.5 years' age, was put to sleep. she had developed a tumor in Jan.; #1 son told me about it and i took her to the vet Feb. 18, where it was diagnosed and was inoperable. it had grown by March 17 to this point. we miss her very much.

and it casts a pall over the whole family. except perhaps LaLa! i'm off my game, and i'm blaming this event. i've also been journaling more at cafemom.com, so maybe i need a little less outlet here. i don't know.

i'll hafta get some humor going on here to lift the tone. the Deep Thoughts title is supposed to be extremely tongue in cheek, not reality!

guilty pleasures

another deep thought, this time posted before it strayed away...

#1 son is home sick, poor lamb, with the johnny trots (they got him last night, too).

just as we have comfort food, we have "comfort movies." and his choice of comfort movie is so unlike my own! he's watching The Polar Express, which i really don't care for. he's in another room, so no big.

my comfort movies are usually "guilty pleasures," like charlies angels and bring it on. also hairspray and 7 brides for 7 brothers. just brought the VHS movies out of my bedroom that had been taken up when i was on bed rest; the boys picked them b/c i didn't care. some of my faves, some of theirs in the pile. iron giant, last of the mohicans.

movies are a big part of our lives. i spose that's part of why i've got a big butt. :p

deepest thoughts

i've had a lot of deep thoughts to share in recent weeks, just can't keep them in my head long enough to share them, and am too busy anyway.

LaLa is on the move! and she is an energy drain now more than ever. first she learned to crawl - which is more a Marine crawl, an inch-worm movement, and adorable. then she REALIZED she could move where SHE wanted to go, and hasn't stopped since.

life is just a little more hectic, a lot more cute, and a ton more draining! and we wouldn't have it any other way.

more Mother Teresa

if you google "mother teresa anyway" (quotation marks unnecessary), this is what you'll find. you'll also find another version by Dr. Kent M. Keith. either way, it's rather inspirational; whichever version inspires you more is the one you should keep handy!

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.

Our pastor quoted some of this in church yesterday. Obviously I was impressed!

baby daddy joke

I THINK YOU'RE THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY KIDS

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."

oops, i did it again!

once wasn't enough, apparently, b/c i got the crazy scissors out again and cut my hair!

i cut my bangs last week, and nobody noticed (haven't had bangs in five years or more). so i cut the whole thing, layered, textured, etc. didn't screw up too bad, or worse than you get at Great Clips anyway. i actually am getting compliments on my appearance - wearing yoga pants, no less!

i feel lighter, i look younger, and i can leave my hair down without it driving me crazy. all good stuff. still shoulder length, even after 4-6 MORE inches off, but flattering instead of utilitarian. photo to follow (next time i wear makeup, i'll have someone take one).

still singing

(reference meme below)

Good Morning Baltimore is still running through my head. i sing it in the shower, i sing it in the car. LaLa loves it (she loves all of Hairspray). it's SO not in my range - i can sing it an octave lower and sound like a drag queen, or in the proper range and be all breathy and unable to sustain. *sigh*

but i know all the words - even if i don't know "all the steps!"

Mother Theresa's Prayer

i know, she's "Saint" Theresa now. but i grew up with Mother Theresa, and Mother Theresa she will always be to me.

May today there be peace within.

May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.

May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.

May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.

May you be content knowing you are a child of God.

Let this presence settle into your bones,and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.

It is there for each and every one of us.

more politics (i should know better)

Here's a fun link that's supposed to help you decide if you should vote democrat or republican... what it really does is show you where you stand on the major issues and compare that to the parties' positions.

Your Vote Score: 26% Republican, 74% Democrat

While you don't always agree with the Democrat party, it's a pretty good match for you.Do be sure to research each candidate. A liberal Republican or independent candidate might fit you better at times.

Should You Vote Republican or Democrat?

laugh at me!

When you cook a piece of toast, which side of the toaster do you put it in? one piece goes on the left.
Do you sing along to music? of course.
If so, chorus or the main singer? main singer, b/c i'm FABULOUS, dahling.
When was the last time you washed dishes? a couple of days ago.
Washed a dog? never
What did you have for supper last night? kielbasa
How old were you when your parents told you the truth about Santa? my parents didn't TELL us much of anything.
Do you think Pepsi is better in the bottle or can? it's better when it's Coke.
Have you ever shot an animal? No
What was the last song stuck in your head? Good Morning Baltimore
Have you ever talked to a pinecone? um, no.
What was the last thing you put on your head? headphones
What color is your cell phone? country blue
Have you ever put peanut butter on the roof of a horse’s mouth? um, no.
How about a dog? no again.
What type of deodorant do you use, assuming you use one? Degree Little Black Dress
Last show you watched on TV? Two and a Half Men, the episode where Charlie is up for an award, with Jon Lovitz... we did watch AFV afterwards, but i PLAN to watch 2.5 Men every day. i love charlie.
What is the best flavor of Jelly Bellies? peach
Have you ever body surfed at the beach? mhm
What is the strangest thing you have ever found? drawing a blank here
Have you ever said, “Brontosaurus Blubber butt”? i would now so i could say yes, but i don't want to wakt the baby.
Name one character from the Simpsons. Lisa
Name one character from King of the Hill. Luanne
Do you wear mirrored or regular sunglasses? regular
What is the best candle scent? spice, or hazelnut coffee, or vanilla... me likey candles
Have you ever stirred up a fire ant hill? no
Have you ever had a laughing fit in church? no
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? quoting Alana here, b/c it's exactly what i would say: One. Two. Three..crunch.. Three.
Have you ever speeded up a vinyl record just to hear squeaky voices? mm, no.
Ever fallen on a Christmas tree? No
Did you ever believe in the boogeyman? no, but i was afraid of the dark.
Do you have any scars on your left index finger? yeah, all my fingers have scars
Have you ever examined one of your digits? regularly
Have you ever eaten a jalapenõ pepper for money? no
When was the last time you actually wrote a letter to someone? yesterday, if email counts
Have you ever fallen out of a hammock by yourself? i don't think i've ever been IN one.
When was the last time you rubbed the Buddha’s belly? it's been a few years, but i'm gonna run downstairs and rub him!
Does your clock make noise? considering i use my cell phone for a clock AND alarm, it makes a LOT of noise, intermittently.
Do raisins belong in cookies? only oatmeal
How do you like your meat done? i like to not worry about parasites or bacteria, so medium.
Do you buy those email chains or just delete them as soon as you see them? they infuriate me, so i go to snopes and send the debunk link back to the sender with some choice, pithy comments.
Which is funnier, a mime pretending to be in a box, or trapped in a box? i always liked the mime who couldn't keep the piano lid up...
What is the best prank you have ever pulled? double faked-out DH with a Christmas gift/wrapping
Can you say the alphabet backwards? i have actually spent the last week practicing this... i can not only SAY it, i can SING it! quickly, in fact.
When was the last time you literally slapped yourself? i used to slap my face to keep myself awake when driving too late at night, or at school too late, when i was young and foolish... now i'm just old and foolish.

more p. humor

please note the word HUMOR. this isn't any more real than the last post, that's why it makes us LAUGH.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WnL9HRLNxIA

Barack Obama's top 10 campaign promises, as written by Letterman.