MY birth story

i have horrible birth stories - please don't read if you don't want to hear the deets!

#1 son, my water broke but didn't gush. so they put cervidil in my cervix to make it thin, for 12 hours. then they started the pitocin drip to induce labor.

20 hours and four epidurals later, i had pushed for 3 hours. the FOURTH epidural wore off. (it was june in Philly and i had gained 20 pounds of WATER the last month, so they couldn't get them in the right space.) (they finally realized all the fluid hadn't come out with the water breaking and broke the bag lower down so it could get out. labor progressed rapidly from that point.)

so they reached in with forceps and ripped him out. it doesn't make me queasy to say so, but watching that movie [see post below] - whoo, pass me the damp cloths! tore all over the place, too. then the OB stitches me up without local - and epidural worn off.

so i focused on the newborn in my arms and ignored the sting as best i could. (i'm sure the local would have still been a stick, so he figured sew me up quick and it'll be done. he was that kinda guy.)

we had a little while to bond, then took baby to the newborn nursery. meanwhile, i kept bleeding. every time i massaged my uterus, gush. (they "say" readheads bleed more; who knew?)

five hours later, baby still in newborn nursery (apparently it's a one-way trip; can't come back to delivery room), i finally got to my room. nurses are very solicitous, it's after midnight, can they get me anything? i'm like, MY BABY!

(i was humming Chili's baby-back ribs song - i want my baby back, baby back, baby back, baby back - for hours!)

#2 - scheduled induction. #1 was 9-6, my sister's #1 was 9 and #2 was 9-4 (#2 born just a few months before mine, and we had the same OB! ran into him at the hospital when visiting sister's baby, and he says, yes, jennifer, we'll induce you.)

it snowed that morning and nobody wanted to go to the hospital. but it was a light snow and we didn't live far, so when they called me and said can you come? i answered, how soon do you want me?

IV started at 10:30 with the pitocin, and broke the water then. i actually felt urge to push around 4:30. doctor came and checked me at 5:00 and said, time to push!

well, he turns to scrub and gown, and i swear, i thought to myself, "you're a pure idiot if you think this is going fast enough for you to stick around."
at 5:17, #2 son was born, 9-14.

how's that for contrast? they "say" induction is more intense (though i'm sure those of you without epidurals would argue!). so you get an epidural straight away. i'm terrified of needles but when you need an epidural, you don't care. much.

the anesthesiologist with #2 was awesome - he'd tell you the position he wanted you in, you'd do your best, then he reached out and picked you up and moved you. i mean, i'm over 200 pounds, and he just moved me so nicely. it was the easiest position change in MONTHS!

so - i'm insane to want to go through it all again, but i do. if only DH would come around!

"birth story"

i just watched a "birth story" type video online.

i think i'm going to throw up. or pass out. and i'm not squeamish usually! oh. but my babies were HUGEHUGEHUGE (9-6 and 9-14) and i know i bled like heck with #1.

ok, put my head between my knees and drank some Coke. i'm SO not squeamish!

DH had his septum straightened last month; i watched them remove the packing (lots of blood and mucus, gross), and when he had a seizure immediately afterward _I_ held him in the chair, and took care of him. i'm more lightheaded now than then!

guess i won't be "birth story"'s next huge fan...

laser eyes?

no more. went for annual checkup ~3/2/06, was told eyes are TIRED of compensating for astigmatism, and i would be happier with glasses for close work (computer esp.).

having had the glasses for ~4 weeks now, i must admit i AM happier. the symptoms the doctors attributed to trigeminal neuralgia and neuropathy are nearly gone - and came back the day i forgot to wear my glasses. i've been on neuro meds for months, and ?without reason? moved up my followup appointment; we were planning to taper anyway, and with this, i'm eager to begin that.

between allergies and astigmatism, my eyes and nose could be burning without it being attributed to the trigeminal nerve. sometimes perhaps we know too much about science, and look for the complicated explanations when the simpler ones might be more correct. of course, when i started having this problem, it had only been a few months since my annual eye exam, and i had no problem then, so who could have known? not me - and apparently neither the family doctor nor the neurologist, either!

i just stepped on a frog

the squishy, stretchy sort they give you at Chuck-E-Cheese.

it was kinda squishy and kinda gross (cuz i didn't know what i'd stepped on), but cool at the same time! (not cold-ish cool, but more rad)

everybody should go step on a frog. it's a surprising experience.

ribbit.

having a flashback...

i posted on a website, in conversation, that i must be vacuous...

heh heh... isn't that an oxymoron? if i were vacuous i wouldn't be able to use the word in a sentence, would i?

heh heh... i said oxymoron... heh heh

(those are sposta be Beavis & Butthead laughs, btw)

(heh heh, i said butthead, heh heh)

weather & NC

we've had unseasonably high temperatures for quite some time, but they fell rather swiftly to the area of 51 last week. figured we'd warm up a touch - today's forecast high is 45 - but stay in this general area. we've had high winds and lots of rain the last few days, so i expected a little warming.

well, i just peeked at next week's calendar on yahoo.com (i love it - free computerized calendar. who needs blackberries?) to see if i have anything i need to remember. the calendar includes the forecast. not bad for free, right? well, monday is forecast high of 71, and tuesday of 76.

well, it's north carolina, is all i can say. i do hope we have a pretty cold winter so we have fewer bugs next spring, and hopefully fewer allergens. i know, who are you and what have you done with our jennifer? especially her scarlett half? well, i'm getting older and wiser all the time, and learned how our winter weather affects our summer pests. hehehe

i'm also planning a big party in may when i break my lifetime record for longest time in one house. isn't that cool? may have to continue having parties every year i remain in this house, too. and with dad's custom pantry work, how could i leave? we talk about doing a sunroom in back; rip out the deck, put in a screen porch, only with glass so we can use it all year. that would be great. hardwood floors if we ever become solvent.

anyhoo... just a wee little vent. hope y'all are colder than me (hey, i'm still jennifer most of the time!).

bras again

didn't i JUST buy the damn things? why do they have to wear out? seems i'm thinking about them far too often. i never put them in the dryer so they will last longer, but still, i'm always thinking about bras.

the good news is, when the humidity decreases at the end of summer (about two weeks ago), they go on without sticking to me first after the shower.

worse news, my favorite shirt's elastic in the neck ribbing gave up the ghost. it's a t-shirt, but you've all seen it, it has an angel/fairy on the front, green tie-die background. got it at Cracker Barrel. i'm gonna hafta graft a new collar onto it, cuz i can't give it up!

(this fits into this post because it's another elastic problem.)

can't wait for Halloween! oh, wait, i have to buy COSTUMES this year. last year they made costumes out of what they had. gr.

911

After Katrina, I am haunted by memories of 9/11. I can't be the only one!

But today's post is not about 9/11 the date, but about 911 the emergency line. I got to dial it for the first time (without incurring penalties and lectures, that is) last night.

let me backtrack a bit. Tuesday evening, after bedtime (11-ish), we heard an argument in the street. We live on a very quiet residential street, in a very quiet neighborhood; usually the most disruption is when the teenager who lives on the cul-de-sac roars through in his car TOO FAST. Tuesday evening, however, we heard a woman's voice yelling, low man's voice, and lots of arguing. this went on for quite some time - or so it seemed to us! at least 30 minutes or more.

Last night, we didn't hear a disruption until someone came running up our driveway calling out - then banging on our door, calling for help! well, I wasn't going to get up, but DH went to the door; he didn't open it, but he called through it. Then he hollered up the stairs for me to call 911. I thought he was threatening this person if they didn't go away we'd call the police on them, but actually, she WANTED us to call the police.

So I dialed 911 and said "we need the police." (DH did open the door about then.) The neighbor told us she had been beaten by her husband and was afraid he would leave with her son (age 3). The operator, of course, told her there was nothing they could do about him taking her son, as they were still married with no custodial dispute. but she was bleeding, and said he had drunk two bottles of Cutty Sark (isn't that whiskey? how could he STAND!?), and busted up her cell phone, so SHE couldn't call for help. so they sent the police, and an ambulance, I think.

This woman went back across the street and across the cul-de-sac, being frantic for her child. Meanwhile, I stayed on-line with the 911 operator until the police arrived. DH went back with her and became a witness to her condition/allegations. (I stayed home to prevent MY children being frantic.)

I was in my nightgown, DH in his boxers, no shoes. So after the police had arrived, I walked up the hill with a pair of shoes for him. He stayed until he'd given a statement, then came home. (I was on my knees by the bed, scared out of my mind!)

Apparently, this family is not LIVING across the street, just PARTYING across the street with a friend of the people who recently bought the house. (yup, there goes the neighborhood!) and our midnight visitor wasn't quite sober herself, IMO. DH thinks more than alcohol was at play. on a weeknight, with a 3-year-old child in the house. (but it was only 10 pm, really, not midnight.)

Well, all we could do is what we did. And I got to call 911. But I have a feeling this story isn't over. Hopefully, we'll have extra patrols, and less disturbance, and as they aren't the purchasers of our neighbor's house, they will be transient and find someplace else to party - or not party, as we'd hope. *sigh* Further bulletins as events warrant, as Calvin used to say/scream.

When I am an Old Woman

Jenny Joseph wrote this gorgeous poem about being an old woman...

I just heard a story about an old woman...

she goes to the grocery store, does her shopping, picks up a watermelon and feels chest pain. she checks out anyway, but she looks peaky and the clerk helps her out of the store. the clerk can't pick up watermelon because it's too heavy, so this old lady picks it up again to put in her car!

doesn't that just sound like something _I_ would do?


The following has been one of my FAVORITE lifetime poems since I was 17, I think; maybe younger! since i first read it for sure. "Red-hat" societies have become increasingly popular and use this poem for their motto. I'm a bit chagrined because I loved it before they did, but thrilled that it's got such wide exposure and fondness.

As for me, I intend to carry a permanent marker and correct people's misspellings without care for "ruining" their signs.

But I don't think "people" will be too shocked and surprised when suddenly _I_ am an old woman and start to wear purple!

"When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
And satin sandles, and say we've no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick flowers in other people's gardens
And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go
Or only bread and pickle for a week
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry
And pay our rent and not swear in the street
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple."

- Jenny Joseph

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Being Beautiful

My darling friend Hayda has a blog in which she states why she is beautiful every day. That is such a marvelous concept/goal, I'm truly impressed.

I am beautiful because I believe I am beautiful. I am beautiful because this is how God made me. I am beautiful when I go to church and know that, yes, I make mistakes, and say things I regret at times, but God has forgiven me. I can only apologize, hope those to whom I have apologized will forgive me, but God has already, and He matters most.

I am beautiful when I am at peace with myself and those around me.

Please share how you are beautiful!

summer

it's time for DOING, not blogging. just checked this and didn't even remember posting my May thoughts, but there they are. ain't blogs great!

we took a trip to the beach with my dear aunt and her family. they fit nicely in between our ages; DH is oldest, followed by aunt, uncle, me, girl cousin, DS, boy cousin, DS. Had a blast, learned new vegetarian recipe for tacos which we actually prefer to meat. the beach is too dang expensive but DH doesn't experience summer unless he goes to the ocean, so whaddayagonnado? plus, had nice income tax return, so there ya go. beach, childcare for the summer, and back into debt.

going to visit DH's brother next week at another beach. survived brain abscess six months ago; the whole family is getting together to say "sure glad you aren't dead, dude."

meanwhile, my big sister is - surprise! - expecting in October. just turned 37. should be an adventure!

#2 son had tonsils out the end of May, and between that and summer being what it is, there goes the blog until September. So unless I have any DEEP THOUGHTS before Sept., I'll see you then.

the crap on TV

From E! online:
"Thick and Thin (midseason): Lorne Michaels' Broadway Video produces this sitcom about a formerly overweight woman (The Practice's Jessica Capshaw, aka Steven Spielberg's stepdaughter) who has to deal with the new way people treat her when she loses all the weight."

oh yeah, i'm sure that's a real hardship. why can't we have a TV show that deals with all the crap people give you when you GAIN weight? izzit your thyroid? ARGH!

kids in church

taught sunday school this week. we're doing joshua, our part is leading up to jericho. he parted the waters, you know, like moses (i didn't; mo's don't focus on old testament). so we're making stepping stones. the teachers teach the same lesson three weeks (to three different classes) and are free. this is our third time teaching. we love it, learn every time.

one of the kids in this class is a bit rambunctious. okay, over-the-top rambunctious. had to settle him down a few times. after class, just before service, he comes past me (he's 9ish?) and kinda punches me in the shoulder. really rather hard. he's with his father.

so i go into sanctuary with da boyz. said kid comes in several minutes later and runs up, kisses my cheek, hugs me and says sorry. #1 son is all big eyes. i whisper (HE kissed ME, _I_ didn't kiss HIM!) cuz you know that's all against the rules. DS nodded, but he didn't like it; not my fault, but he didn't like it.

so we do communion this week (it's once a month). we're of the get-up-and-make-a-semicircle-around-the-preacher persuasion. mr. rambunctious is collecting used cups in a basket, following the person giving them to us, following the preacher who gives the bread. we had cautioned him that he'd have to be on his best behavior to take on this task. and he was! he was terrific.

so as he passes me, i squeeze his shoulder, and say "doing great!" he reaches up and squeezes the nearest thing. highly shocked, i grab his hand and smack it lightly. then spend the rest of my communion time berating myself for smacking a child - DURING COMMUNION!

after service, go talk to his parents. we're becoming friends; have visited each other's houses once. tell them. they are hysterical, dying laughing. i had been really offended at the moment, but realized on reflection that mr. R was just friendly squeezing the nearest thing to him, and did not mean for it to be the boobie. parents say they're glad they didn't see it; they'd have been terribly embarrassed. i'm saying, but i smacked your child - DURING COMMUNION! dad sez, smack him harder next time!

ah, youth. just a little trouble controlling impulses and our strength.

LASER EYES!

for those who don't know, I got my eyes lasered several years ago. I LOVE it! it makes me want to sing AMAZING GRACE - I once was [legally] blind, but now I see.

for the first year, I dreamed all the time that my vision had regressed to how it used to be (20/400 - rather bad). (The dreams gradually became less and less frequent.) I was paranoid and wouldn't throw away/donate my glasses until the 6-week checkup! but it works and I really love being able to see.

so, I can't remember, but it's probably been a year since I had one of those dreams. I had one again last night. weird! it might be because #1 son leaves his new pair of glasses (11/04) on my headboard every night when I read him his story... Gotta break that habit! I like being able to see, even in my dreams!

let's hear it for floobies!

nothing but pink will do for this one.

i recently posted i had been diagnosed with papilloma for my 35th birthday. well, when they went to look for it for a ductogram, or a fine needle biopsy, they couldn't find it. they ultimately did an MRI, which showed normal floobies. yay! i get to keep my floobies! (the new thinking is that the original symptom was caused by an irritated duct, which appeared like a papilloma on mammogram, but had cleared up by the time the MRI was done - four weeks later.)

anywho- let's hear it for floobies! I got to have my first mammogram the week of my birthday, and I gotta tell ya, I've heard some horrible things about mammograms. they pinch and they hurt and they're horrible. well, if your breast tissue is the opposite of dense (read: floobies!), I think it likely hurts less. the normal mammogram wasn't really much to complain about. the tighter one for the abnormality was ouchy, but not too bad - and I'm the girl with the low pain threshold who cries over everything!

(the attempt at fine needle aspiration was a lot worse than the mammogram, and that was probably BECAUSE of the floobies, but i digress.)

i'm back to myself again and feel like posting my deep thoughts once more. i'm sure you all missed me. now you gotta kiss me.

SPRING???

so, i walk outside this morning, thinking what a beautiful day. take a deep breath of what is sure to be crisp, clean, spring air. wait a minute. take another breath. what the heck is this? the air smells like DOG BREATH! how is this possible? it's a gorgeous blue blooming spring North Carolina day? why does the air smell like dog breath?

beat feet back inside and thank goodness for air conditioning. gr.

Gabe

Well, he's finally had it with me fussing over baby girls. Outside church yesterday, he told me he wished he was a girl SO I WOULD BE HAPPY. major brakes hit. we had a long talk and reached a compromise:
- I may still fuss over babies, but NOT kiss them. only my children.
- I must give my kids equal fussing time.

I also explained how my whole life is set up so Gabe and Tyler will be happy people. I could have a different job, but they would not be as happy in after school care, so I didn't change jobs. I read and sing to them every night so they will be happy. I spend time with them doing things they like to do and things we all like to do so we will be a happy family.

I also reminded Gabe that I have a big heart and room for lots of people in it. I didn't love him any less when Tyler joined our family. He was happier after this talk. But I still can't kiss anybody who doesn't live in our house.

see previous post

who needs an Easter basket? I'm already a basket case!

birthdays

I turned 35 Sunday.
For my 30th birthday, I got postpartum depression.
For this one, I've been diagnosed with a papilloma. That's a benign thing, but requires medical care.
I am getting OLD.

On the plus side, I was recently told I looked 10 years younger than I am! That felt good!

But physically, if I have one more thing go wrong this year, I may as well quit.

This is NOT a good post. I do apologize.